Admit When You Need Help

Now this story is deeply personal to me but I hope that you receive it well and that it sinks in. As a person with bipolar disorder I have my extreme highs (manic) and extreme lows (depression). Now it’s not like what people think, it’s not like a switch that turns on and off again frequently. It’s more of a gradual process where you are in one state or another over a longer period of time. You don’t even notice it happening. In the past many times when I become depressed it takes the observation of my wife to kick me in the but to see that I’m depressed. I don’t easily notice it at the time or subconsciously I deny it. I don’t like to admit when I’m depressed because it makes me feel like a failure. I have always been open about my bipolar disorder. It’s the first thing I tell a new boss when I get one. Not so that they can fire me, that has yet to happen, but so that they can help observe me and notice when something might be wrong. All the bosses I’ve had have been very receptive to it and have made me feel as though I did the right thing in telling them. One day I was riding in the car with my colleagues going to lunch. They were more like great friends to me. They had mentored me throughout my career. I was sitting in the back seat when I noticed that I was thinking about what it would be like to kill myself. I pondered this for a while, then realized that this was not supposed to happen. I was severely depressed. I spoke up to my friends and said, “Guys I think I’m suicidal.” We had extensive training on suicide prevention in the government so we talked about it and began to realize that I had been showing the signs over the previous few weeks. My friends took me to my boss and told him the situation. My boss was very kind and understanding. He assured me that this wouldn’t affect my career. He gave me the time off to get help. My friends drove me to the doctor and stayed with me the whole time. The key is I recognized I needed help. I asked for it. If you are ever in a situation where you need help for anything emotionally related, please seek it. Recognizing you need help is the first step. The second step is having the courage to ask for it.