Be The Mirror

I have read from multiple sources and have seen it for myself that you can be affected emotionally by being around someone who is in a negative or positive mood. That is to say if someone is depressed and you spend a lot of time with them you can become depressed as well. You reflect the emotions of the people around you. So I ask you, are you the reflection or are you the mirror? It isn’t always the case that you reflect other people’s emotions but that they reflect yours. That being said, it’s important to remember what emotions you want reflected back to you. You want positive emotions reflected back, therefore your need to be positive stronger than the people you are around. In order to be the mirror you have to work on being strong in your emotions. You may not be positive all the time. You could be depressed. In that case you need to remember that you may be the mirror and that there is a chance that you will bring down the people around you. It’s at times like those that you want to try to ease up on being the mirror. Let other people's positive attitudes lift you up and reflect their good vibes. It is important to remember sometimes you are the reflection and sometimes you are the mirror. The best situation is when you are a positive mirror and lift up those around you. So be a mirror that reflects the sun and shines upon everyone.

The Growth of a Thought

In the book Your Mental Mess by Dr. Caroline Leaf she says, whatever we think about the most grows, because we are giving it energy. Now when she talks about the thought growing she means it literally grows in your brain. The parts of your brian that makes memories whether it be mental, emotional, or physical start to grow the memory like a tree. Since memories require energy tto grow bigger and stronger, the more you think about them the more they will grow and be solidified in your brian. The stronger they are the more they have an effect on you. How is this important to you? Well here is a real life example of one memory that bothers me. I once was driving on the highway and a car was entering from an on ramp. I slowed down to let them in, however they slowed down as well to let me by. I continued to slow down and so did the other person. This put me in a dangerous position since I was nearly stopped on the highway. I got pretty mad at the person for not just getting on the highway. Now why does this memory stick with me? Because I keep thinking of it and allowing it to grow. Every time I pass that on ramp I remember that time when I got so upset. I also randomly think about it without even driving by it. It brings back the feeling of being upset. This is both a mental memory as well as an emotional memory as well. I don’t want to let this memory pop up every once in a while because it’s a silly memory to think about and to let me get all worked up over. So one way I try to combat this memory is every time it pops up I need to remind myself that I was in the wrong in that situation. I had the right away and should have sped up a little. I think deep down I do know that I was wrong and I’m actually not mad at the person in the other car but mad at myself for making such a dangerous mistake. I haven’t read all of Dr. Leaf’s book yet but I believe she is going to explain that that’s exactly how you combat memories that have such a control over you. Whenever you start to have a thought, recognize it and think to yourself, do I really want this thought to be a strong moment in my life? Do you really want to give it the energy to grow in your brian and affect you down the road? If the answer is no, then try not to think about it. Or at least rationalize that it isn’t that important to you. It may not be easy at first but eventually you will get better at it.

It’s Hard Starting

Whenever there is a task that we don’t want to do like working out, cleaning our room, vacuuming, etc. it’s important to realize that the hardest part about the whole thing is starting. Actually getting off your butt and doing it. So let’s think in terms of exercising. Some days you just don’t have it in you. We have all been there. However, have you ever just started exercising and you think to yourself, “This isn’t bad, I wonder why I didn’t want to do it.” Well let’s turn this around in terms of starting the exercise you didn’t want to do in the first place. Whenever you have a hard time starting just think about what your future self will be thinking once you get going. You know your future self will actually feel better while exercising and will feel much better when it is all done. It’s important to your mental health and sometimes your physical health to get over that hump of starting and just do it. Trust me your future self will thank you.

Am I The Problem

When dealing with people in general and you have negative feelings toward someone because they have upset you, you have to think to yourself, “am I the problem?” Sometimes you have to admit you are. Maybe you have unrealistic or unspoken expectations of the other person. As an example your spouse doesn’t pick up his dirty clothes off the floor and you get upset with them. You have never told your spouse that this makes you angry but you get angry with them anyways. Then you later have an argument with your spouse because you are still stewing from the clothes on the floor. This is a time when you should ask yourself, “am I the problem?” If you have never told your spouse that this makes you angry then you have unrealistic expectations of your spouse reading your mind and picking up after themselves. Now I know that in most relationships you have no problem telling your spouse that that annoys you but you get the point. It is important to realize that in most cases you are upset because your expectations have not been met. Someone has let you down because you wanted better of them. In these cases you need to ask yourself if you're the problem and if you really should get upset or express your feelings to that person. Remember we are all human and we all make mistakes. When we recognize there is a problem and try to resolve it rather than getting upset about it, we may realize that there is no problem at all.

Define Your Why

As important as it is to set goals in your life, equally important is defining your “Why”. Specifically you are defining Why you are trying to achieve your goals. There has to be a reason to drive you, and it needs to be a good one. For example, if you are trying to lose weight and your Why is as simple as “I want to fit into my dress for someone’s wedding” you really haven’t given a strong enough Why to make a lasting change. What’s going to happen after the wedding? Are you going to give up on losing weight and gain it all back? My Why is a very powerful motivator for me. My daughter has type 1 diabetes. I was pre-diabetic due to what I was eating and my weight for a long time. I had realized that if I kept going down that path I would be the second family member to get diabetes, however unlike my daughter, this would be my own fault. I just couldn’t do that to my family. So the Why has to be something tangible and concrete that solidifies your resolve to chase that goal. It must drive you to want to reach your goals so every day you wake up and think to yourself, “this is why I want to reach my goal”. Come up with your own Why. Think long and hard about it. It’s ok to have more than one why, the more the merrier.

Unnecessarily Suffering

The philosopher Seneca said, “He suffers more than necessary, who suffers before it is necessary.” Basically this is saying don’t worry about it. If you are worrying about something well before you have to, you will be adding to your suffering. For example if you have to have a painful medical procedure done and you worry about the pain well before you even experience it, you are just adding to your suffering. This is easier said than done. How do you combat worry? You live in the now! Worrying is only about living in the future and you are forgetting to enjoy life right now. For example, my mother-in-law worries about everything. She worries about what to make for dinner the moment she wakes up in the morning. She worries about her car being stolen while she is away. She worries so much that she doesn’t allow herself to enjoy life to its fullest. This is no way to live. In constant fear that something bad is going to happen. In order to not suffer more than is necessary you need to take a deep breath, enjoy what is going on right now, and count your blessings.

The Imposter Syndrome

The imposter syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. Basically you feel like you are doing something that others perceive you to be good at when you feel like you really are not. Let me tell you, I face this every day at work. With my job we are constantly challenged to do technical things that we haven’t done before. It adds unnecessary stress to my life. It’s something I have to combat every day. Stress is unhealthy. So why did I take such a job? Why did I get hired if I didn’t have the skills to perform it? I took the job because I wanted to push myself. I wanted to grow my technical skills and not become stale. My boss hired me not for my technical knowledge but for my ability to learn fast and solve problems. When the imposter syndrome creeps up on me, I have to remember that I have the ability to learn anything I need on the fly to get the job done. I have to mentally calm myself down, not panic, and just put my head down and get the job done. Whenever you feel the imposter syndrome take hold of you, just remember, there is nothing you can’t do with a little learning. It may take you longer than someone who already knows how to do it, but in the end you will grow as a person for persevering and not giving up. So take a deep breath, and believe you can do it.

Forget Why It Won’t

Paulo Coehlo said “It will work if you forget all the reasons it won’t.” How many times have you seen something and you thought to yourself, “That won’t work” and yet you’ve been wrong? Do you think the people who wanted to do that something were held back by the “it won’t work” attitude? People who succeed fail over and over again until they find something that works. Thomas Edison worked on over 3,000 theories before he succeeded with the lightbulb. He definitely didn’t think about the reasons it wouldn’t work. Children also have the ability to think things will work when they shouldn’t. I’ve seen kids build some pretty amazing stuff that defies what I thought wouldn’t work. We have to start thinking like kids again and not worrying about what won’t work and go for it.

Quit Today, Quit Tomorrow

This is a very simple concept that doesn’t need much explanation. It’s best explained via example. If you quit eating healthy today saying you will eat healthy tomorrow, you will find that it will be just as easy to quit tomorrow as well. If you don’t have the ability to stop yourself today it will only become a habit of you not stopping yourself over and over again. So basically don’t quit on yourself today with the intention of not quitting on yourself tomorrow.

Not Having Control or Not Taking Control

I’ve heard from several sources that there is a difference between not having control and not taking control. To not have control means that there are external factors preventing you from doing something. Taking control is actively choosing to do something. When you are trying to lose weight you may think you have no control over your appetite, over your surroundings, over your exercise. This simply isn’t true! All of those things are within your control. You have to stop blaming everything on something else and start taking accountability for your actions. For me the turning point was when I decided to become a motivational speaker. I didn’t worry about what wasn’t in my control because all of it was within my control. How much I read, write, speak, and learn were all things I was in control of. I simply needed to take that control. It requires effort on my part but when I put the effort in I will succeed. Whenever you feel like life is out of control, take a moment and look at what is in your control. Soon you will realize that pretty much everything is in your control. When you realize this you will learn that you can do anything.

Practicing The Problem Or The Solution

In the book Chasing Cupcakes by Elizabeth Benton she explains that many of us are practicing the problem and not practicing the solution. What she means is that we are always focusing on the problem and not focusing on the solution. It is time to move beyond thinking about the problem and start thinking about the solution. As an example I would spend a lot of time thinking about a problem I have at work. I would worry myself sick about not knowing what I need to know to get the job done. I was practicing the problem. What I need to do is stop worrying about it and get to solving the problem. If I just stopped wasting my energy on worrying and started doing something about it, I would be better off. You may be focusing on how much weight you need to lose and think that it’s too much. That the task is too great. That you never stick to a diet. You are practicing the problem. You should be working on the solution. You will never get anywhere just by thinking about the problem. So what are you going to focus on from now on? The problem or the solution?

Learning vs Practice

Don’t get stuck in a pattern where you spend all your time learning about what you want to do. Make sure you put what you learn into practice. It is important to keep yourself learning, we never want to grow stale, however you will engrain it in your brian more if you put it to practice. For example I’m reading like a mad man about self help and motivation. I am truly learning in this area. However, I’m not practicing it as much as I should. What I mean by practice is I’m not spending enough time doing the exercises in the books that will lead to a better outcome for me. I’m simply reading to read at this point. I know that the exercises will take up a lot of my time but I need to do it. A lot of them involve writing down answers to questions. Making goals and plans on how to get there. I shouldn’t feel the need to move onto the next book so quickly. So I’m going to take my own advice and do all the exercises and completely take advantage of these books. I will begin to practice what I learn so that it will sink in and I can better help others.

Effort vs Progress

As mentioned in Chasing Cupcakes by Elizabeth Benton, there is a difference between effort and progress. Effort is not measurable whereas progress is. You could be doing all kinds of effort but if it isn’t showing progress you need to change your strategy. As an example you could be putting in a lot of effort to lose weight but unless you see differences in your measurements or a drop on the scale you are not making progress. You need to reevaluate what you are doing. It only boils down to two things in this case. There may either be something wrong with your diet or your exercise, or even both. You have to stop wasting all your energy on effort that isn’t showing progress. I can blog until my fingers bleed but if I don’t have an audience I am not showing any progress. I am putting all my effort into content and no effort into gaining an audience. Your energy is valuable. You need to spend it wisely. If you don’t see progress then you must change what you are spending that energy on.

Getting to Where You Want to Go

We have all been there, we have the right attitude and positive intentions to get to our goals. However, having only those things won’t get you to where you want to go. You need to take action. Without action or even baby steps in the right direction you will never get anywhere. For example, you could be gung ho about losing weight. You have the right attitude, you have done your homework, your intentions are there, but that’s all you have. You are not eating right or exercising. You need to act the part. It doesn’t matter how little you act as long as you are doing something. So in conclusion having the right attitude and intentions are great. They will keep you motivated, but what are they trying to keep you motivated to do? Action.

Doing The Right Work

I’ve heard from multiple sources that it’s not important that you do the work right, but whether you are doing the right work. For example, as mentioned before, Richard Hamming states that when people work with their doors closed they may be doing research but by not being open to new ideas they may not be doing the right research. This also falls under that category of working smarter not harder. If you are focusing all of your energy on doing your work right, you might be wasting all that energy if it’s not getting you where you want to go. Let’s think of this in terms of weight loss as explained by Elizabeth Benton in the book Chasing Cupcakes. If you are trying to lose weight and you focus only on working out and eating right you are doing the work right but might not be doing the right work. You need to focus on the reasons why you gained weight in the first place and work on that or else you will fall back into the same patterns again. Another way of looking at it is I may want to be a motivational speaker, and even though I’m doing the work right such as blogging all the time to develop material, I’m not doing the right work which is practicing my public speaking. I need to get comfortable with talking in front of an audience more so than working on my message. So take a look at where you are trying to improve in your life or what goals you are working on. If you are working on the right things then the path to your goals will be easier and more productive than if you are doing the work right on the wrong thing.

Be Smarter Than Your Excuses

I wish I could say I came up with the phrase, “Be stronger than your excuses”, but I did not. I know I've heard or read it several times somewhere. Wherever it came from is not the point. I want to modify this statement to say “Be smarter than your excuses”. The original term is stronger than our excuses. This statement implies brute force willpower, which never works. The people who have had the most success overcoming their excuses do so by changing their mindset. They have been able to ask themselves questions that will lead to a better answer than their excuse. For example if you want to eat that last brownie, but you know you shouldn’t, so you come up with an excuse of “I’ll just eat better tomorrow.” You know full well that’s a cheap excuse and you can outsmart it. You can easily say that, “It’s not going to bring me any more pleasure than the brief moment of tasting it.” or “If I put off eating healthy one day then I’m only cheating myself.” If you leave it up to willpower every time you are faced with a choice then you eventually will stop enjoying the process and start resenting it. Willpower can only get you so far. But your intelligence will get you farther.

Read, Listen, and Watch

As stated in previous posts there is a reason why we overeat. There is a reason why we self sabotage our goals. There is a reason why we are not pursuing our dreams. Well, it’s time to get inspired! If you are reading this you are already on the right track, because you are trying to get inspired. The way to get inspired is to read books, blogs, and magazine articles that will lead you down the right path. Another way to become inspired is to listen to podcasts, other people who have made it to their goals, and audio books on the goal you are interested in. Finally watch videos, movies, and other things that are also on the goal you want to achieve. You can have your own grit and plow through to your goals the hard way, or you can find inspiration and learn from others the easy way. It is very important that you keep yourself motivated in any way you can. So take advantage of all the forms of media out there that will help you. I assure you that you are not the only one with your particular goal. There are many people out there who have made it, who were successful in their goal, and it is probably very similar to your goal as well.

Doesn’t Add Pleasure

In the book Chasing Cupcakes by Elizabeth Benton, she says “Overeating didn’t add pleasure to my life; it took it away.” This requires us to ask the question, what adds pleasure to our lives? This can only be answered by you, but it shouldn’t be overeating. If you are ok with your size and have no problem with it then overeating shouldn’t be an issue. However, most of us have problems with our size. But is it really our size that bothers us, or the reason we are that size. Yes, being large can contribute to how we think of ourselves, but it is just a symptom of a bigger problem. I’d like to say that in all cases overeating is related to stress, grief, anger, etc. But it’s not always the case that we are emotionally eating. Sometimes we just have to admit that food tastes good. That being said, overeating is still caused by something. We need to look at ourselves very closely and determine what is the root problem. Is it because you are living in the past and feel that you were not loved enough? Is it because you are comforted by food because that’s how families celebrate, is with food? Can it be that our bodies are addicted to the feeling of being full? Could it be a chemical reaction caused by the food we eat? There are many reasons why someone overeats. It’s a matter of you determining the cause. So let’s get back to the quote at hand. If overeating takes away the pleasure in one’s life, then why do it? I don’t think it comes down to brute force will power. That’s not addressing the issue at all. That’s just setting us up for failure. I can’t come up with all the questions you have to ask yourself, let alone the answers. But I highly recommend looking into yourself and finding the root cause of the problem. If you can’t do it, find a friend, a life coach, or a therapist that can help you ask the right questions. You don’t have to do this alone. There are plenty of people out there who can help.

I Can Do That

I was watching the painter in my kitchen paint the trim along the floor. He was perfect in his painting, not a smudge on the floor. I told him I can’t do that. Then I started thinking of how I say I couldn’t be a social worker, because I would get too emotionally invested. The other day it hit me. I should never say I can’t do that. I can do anything if I put my mind to it. If it takes practice, so be it. I shouldn’t think of it in terms of I can’t. I am the one telling people and myself to chase dreams. Can’t shouldn’t be in our vocabulary. It’s interesting how easily we can dismiss ourselves and think something isn’t possible. The reality is that we are capable of doing anything. So from now on, I will remind myself that I can do that.

The Power of Writing

It’s not enough to say what your goals are, you actually have to write them out. You need to commit them to paper so that you know that it’s official. There is a lot of power in writing out your goals so that you can review them over and over again. Not only that, but you need to write out your plan on how to get to your goals. That way you have thought it through and know exactly what you need to do. It may be that you have set little goals along the way as a path to your main goal. This is also a good way to get to where you want to be. It would solidify your resolve even more if you shared your goals with someone and maybe even get some feedback on your plan. That way you are getting advice and being held accountable at the same time. Writing them out makes you think clearly as to what you want. It helps to state exactly what you want and when you want it. So write those goals out as clearly as you can. Make sure you have your plan in place as well. Think about your commitments often and read them daily. Keep focused and you will succeed.

I am Not a Fat Man

For all of my adult life I have been unhealthy. I could often hear myself telling others “I’m a fat man”. I would identify with being fat and allow it to determine the type of person I was. What is funny is that I had learned early on that I shouldn’t say “I’m bipolar” but rather, “I have bipolar disorder”. I was taught not to let the disorder be what I identify as. Why couldn’t I have made this connection with being unhealthy. It’s simple, I had already had it ingrained in my brian that I was a fat man well before I knew I had bipolar disorder. I was told right away by my doctor how I should refer to my disorder. No one told me how to refer to my size properly. It was something that had just always been. The problem with identifying as a fat man is that you will always live up to that expectation. No matter how much weight I lose I will always have it in my brian that I’m a fat man. I will inevitably let my perception win and I will gain my weight back again. So from now on I’m not going to say “I’m a fat man”, but rather “I am striving to be healthy” It’s a more positive way of seeing myself. By saying I’m striving I’m saying I’m always actively working on getting healthy. It will become a part of who I am. So stop identifying as someone you should not be. You are not fat anymore. You are striving to be healthy. You are working on improving your life daily.

Keep Going

Recently I’ve noticed little failures on my part that are starting to add up to one big failure. As I work toward being a motivational speaker, I am constantly reminded that I’m not perfect. Whether it be that I don’t post a video/blog for a day, or I don’t follow my own personal goals of working out. Another way is I’m seeing mistakes in my attitude. I’m not positive all the time. I find myself slipping in how I react to certain situations. I can’t let this get me down in the least bit. Not everyone can work toward their goals 100% of the time. The key is to at least make incremental progress every day. Don’t just give up due to minor setbacks. You set a goal for a reason. We all face what we call failures. What we really need to do is call them lessons. They are lessons on our way to our goals. Each lesson should propel you forward in your resolve. So from now on I will not think I’m failing, I will think I’m learning.

Shake Up Your Days

I recently noticed myself doing the same thing in a pattern every day. I know it’s good to develop good habits, but even the best of habits can become boring. I would get up and read/write. Start work then spend a half hour on the stationary bike during lunch. After work I would cook a healthy meal then do another half hour on the stationary bike. Finally I would read/write until I went to bed. Very regimented and very boring. I began to slack off with working out and eating healthy because it was getting to be so monotonous. I realized that I need to shake my days up in order to get back on track. I grabbed my laptop and worked outside today. I will also ride my actual bike or go for a walk now that the weather is nice. I will try to slip a movie in there now and then as well. If you want to succeed at a goal you can’t just do the same thing day in and day out. You can still work on your goals but do it in a different way. If you are like me and striving to succeed in your pursuit of a better life, make sure that you don’t bore yourself to death in achieving that life.

Know Your Audience

When I first started to talk about motivation it was in videos I would post on WW (formally Weight Watchers) social media Connect. I would post tips on losing weight and how to change your mindset to help lose weight. I got a lot of positive feedback in the comments for this. I thought that I would start working on this blog and post more general motivational ideas. However, I started to post less about weight loss and more about positive thinking on the Connect app. I slowly started seeing a decline in comments on my videos. I didn’t realize it but I lost touch with my audience. I wasn’t telling them what they wanted to hear. My wife pointed this out to me the other day, saying that I had changed my style of posts. I can always count on my wife to point out things like that to me. I realized I have to get back to my roots on the Connect app and start talking about weight loss again. The key takeaway from this is that you need to know your audience. Don’t do things just because you want to, but do things that your audience wants. They might not be interested in all the things that you are. Spend a little time and notice what kind of feedback you are getting. This is a valuable lesson I needed to learn as I move forward with my motivational speaking. So pay attention and make sure that if you are writing, vlogging, or speaking in front of an audience that you know what they want.

Furrowed Brow

I don’t have a resting happy face. I am often in deep thought and that causes me to furrow my brow. When my wife notices this she always asks me what’s wrong. When I say nothing she tells me that I have a furrowed brow like I’m upset. This got me thinking about my previous post on posture. I was unintentionally sending the wrong messages. So I’ve committed to relaxing my face more. I don’t know how silly I look but at least I don’t look angry anymore. What is interesting is that by actively relaxing my face I can feel my mood uplift. It’s a simple act but it makes me feel better. I wondered what other kinds of postures I could take to change my mood. One of them was sitting up straight in my chair. I tend to bend my head forward and slouch my shoulders. When I sit up I feel much more confident and confidence breeds self respect. I feel like a new man when I change my posture. I would recommend all of you to pay attention to your posture and see what kind of mood it puts you in. Then take on a posture that will give you a more positive attitude. It worked for me, and I know it will work for you.

Uncomfortable Conversations

Recently I had to call up the head coach of my son’s hockey team and let him know that there is a good chance that my son will not be returning this year. This will hurt an already sparse team to lose another player. This was a conversation I had been dreading. It wasn’t anything the team or coaches had done. It was a simple matter of my son going to college and wanting to try out for a team that was closer so he wouldn’t have to drive as much to get to practice. I was really close with the coach since I’ve assisted him in coaching for the last two years. We had become good friends throughout that time. I knew that this would be very disappointing news. After several weeks of putting it off I knew I had to make the call. The call went pretty well, the coach was very understanding of my son’s reason for leaving. The conversation ended with us on good terms. Not that I expected it to be on bad terms but I didn’t want to feel like we had burned a bridge. The point is that sometimes in our lives there are uncomfortable situations that we have to face up to. You really shouldn’t avoid them and pretend they will go away. Force yourself out of your comfort zone and deal with the situation at hand. Once you get used to being outside of your comfort zone it will open up new possibilities for you in other areas of your life.

Watch How You Describe Things

I finally broke down and put on a pair of reading glasses. They are not prescription, they just magnify things making it easier to see the words on the page. When I started telling people, I would say, “I’ve started wearing ‘cheater’ glasses” without thinking of the implication of the words I’m choosing. Many people wear reading and prescription glasses and they don’t like the negative connotation of calling them “cheater” glasses. People are not cheating by wearing something that allows them to read. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and the way I was describing them was making me sound like I was ashamed. So I need to grow old gracefully and start watching how I talk about it. If I start saying things negatively then it’s not going to be an easy road for me. Watch the words you say, they do matter. They matter how you feel about yourself and the matter to others.

It’s Not About I

For years I have chatted a lot with people I met online. I love meeting new people and getting to know what their lives are like. It’s like having a pen pal somewhere in the world but you don’t have to wait on snail mail to get a message. One key thing I’ve learned about chatting with people is to stop putting the word “I” in the front of every sentence. An “I” focused conversation will assure you that the chat will not last very long. The whole point of chat is to learn about other people and not talk about yourself unless asked. This same lesson can be learned in real life as well. Notice how many times you start your sentences with the word “I” and see if it seems a bit excessive. Now I know that this is hard advice coming from someone who blogs about his life a lot, but I often try to post life lessons that I have learned. The more you ask other people questions about themselves the better your friendship will grow. Try to show interest in what other people like to do. You never know, it might make their day.

My Wife’s Concern

Due to my bipolar disorder my wife has been very concerned with the amount of time I’m spending reading and writing. She is justified in her concern because as stated in a previous post it’s a sign that I’m going manic. She has a hard time believing that I could be writing that many posts without it affecting my work. I explained to her that I do most of my writing between 6am and 9am in the morning. A full three hours of writing will produce a lot of posts. I assured her that I’m doing fine at work and it’s not interfering as well. She had no choice but to trust me. It got me thinking that the amount of time I’m spending in the basement is unhealthy. I need to be more open about my writing and when I do it. So I have a simple solution. As distracting as it might be, I need to start writing upstairs where I can be seen. Not as proof that I’m writing off work hours, but as a way of being there for my family when they need me. I’m already in the basement eight hours a day with work, I don’t need to be down there an extra three. If you have bipolar disorder, I highly recommend that you don’t hide yourself in a basement. Be open and honest with your partner and family about what is happening to you. Participate in your family's lives even if it is only to be upstairs reading and writing. Try to compromise and do what you love while being present with the ones you love.

Difference of Religions

For 11 years now I’ve been a Buddhist. I try to follow Buddhist philosophy as best as I can. I try to be calm and respectful of others. I try to be accepting of everyone no matter what. One day I was on a trip with a colleague and the subject of religion came up. I know, I know you, you should never talk about religion at work, but it was after hours and we were eating dinner. This colleague was curious about Buddhism. So I gave him the basics. I then told him that as a Buddhist I’m not supposed to judge other people for their religion and be tolerant of it. I said flippantly, “We don’t believe in telling people they are going to hell.” That’s when my colleague said to me, “I believe you are going to hell, what do you think about that?” I was caught off guard. He explained to me that he was home schooled in a very religious home and that according to his beliefs I was going to go to hell. I thought about it for a minute and said, “Well I believe in Buddhism we are taught to be tolerant of other religions, so it is a test of my faith to be tolerant of your beliefs.” I then went on to say, “It’s your religion to tell me that I’m going to hell and to try to convert me. It’s a win-win for both of us.” He laughed at that, and we both dropped the subject of religion. It was a very friendly conversation after that and from that point on we understood each other in a way that we never would have before without that conversation. All this to say is we all have different beliefs. We still need to be tolerant of one another.

They Are Not My Slaves

Every weekend is a cleaning weekend at my house. It’s when we get caught up on laundry, vacuuming, and all kinds of other cleaning. Whenever someone asked me what I was doing this weekend I would say, “I’m having my slaves… I mean my kids clean the house.” I used to say this a lot until I read Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. Tony explains that words are powerful and have meaning. If you describe something as a negative even if you are joking it will have an affect on your attitude and how people see you. My calling my kids slaves just to get a laugh was affecting how I percieved them. Now I always helped them clean but I truly did order them around. Fast forward to today. We had all the cupboard doors removed so that a contractor could paint them. This exposed just how cluttered our cupboards were and how much stuff was in them that we didn’t need. So the whole family spent a couple hours working together to clean out every cupboard, throw out what we didn’t need, wipe down the shelves, and reorganize them. We truly worked as a team. That’s when I realized what my new word would be. From now on I will be saying that “I’m going to clean the house with my team.” I’m going to stop bossing them around with a poor attitude and get them to cooperate with me. Make them feel like an equal when it comes to cleaning the house. I hope that they will be less reluctant because of it.

Shatter That Ice

I used to be an introvert. I was so shy in high school that I would just die if a girl talked to me. When I got to college things seemed to change for me. I think it was my suitemates that brought me out of my shell. After the first semester of school I was a flaming extrovert. This also may have been attributed to the fact that my bipolar disorder was causing me to be very manic throughout my college years. Whatever the cause was that made me an extrovert is not the point of this post. What is was how I started to feel about public speaking and breaking the ice with new people. When each class started at the beginning of the semester I would sit or stand in front of the class as though I were the professor. I would start talking to the class as though it were my own. I would ask a few questions like “How are you guys doing?” or “Been to any great parties lately?” I would ask all kinds of questions to get the class talking. Then eventually the professor would come in and the class would laugh because they realized I was just a student when I took my seat. I quickly became friends with many of the people in my classes. Another way I would break the ice was a simple deception. I was a monitor at the arena where the gyms were for the college. A lot of the athletes would come and go and it was my job to check everyone’s badge and make them sign in. I would then memorize their names. The next time I saw them I’d be like, “Hey Lucy! How are you doing?” Lucy would be shocked that I knew her name and ask me how I knew her. I would say something like, didn’t we meet in a class? Or weren’t you at a party recently? Anything very generic, to get them to think we had met before. They would vaguely remember and ask me what my name was again. And that’s how I was on a first name basis with many of the athletes at my school. I’m not saying you should be as bold as me, but I am saying don’t be afraid to break the ice, shatter it. Tear down your wall and meet as many people as possible. You never know who your next friend will be. Or maybe the next love of your life.

Calm Your Nerves

I once was faced with a very hard final in Artificial Intelligence. It may have been the hardest test that I will ever take. I was a bundle of nerves. I can’t say this was the wisest of moves but a few of my classmates and I went to a bar just before the test and downed three pints of beer each. Needless to say I felt great by the time I got to the test. I may have been a little buzzed, but I was calm. I was so calm that I felt like nothing mattered. I took the test and my brian just seemed to flow. It seemed to be one of the easiest tests that I’ve ever taken. I ended up passing the test with flying colors. Now I’m not recommending getting drunk before every test you have to take. Especially a sobriety test, LOL! What I am recommending is that you never let yourself get all worked up. I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned how if I just kept myself calm I would do much better on a test than if I let myself stress out over it. I continued my education on for many years after that and succeeded at all the tests I took because I was calm. Not only that, I began the beginning of each class calm as well. Instead of stressing out over how hard the class was I just let it happen. I found my brain much more receptive to learning when I was cool and calm. I felt as though my brain were a sponge soaking up knowledge. To this day whenever I read to learn something I relax my brain and let the knowledge sink in. I’m able to retain more information that way at a fast pace. Those few fateful beers opened my brain up to a new way of learning and thinking. So if you ever find yourself in a situation where you are stressed to take a test. Don’t think about the test, think about what is calming to you. If that doesn’t work then have a few beers.

Don’t Hold Back the Tears

I will admit that I cry a lot. I don’t act all macho and like a man, I let the tears come out. I cry at happy occasions as well as sad occasions. I know I’ll be a blubbering mess at my kids' graduations and weddings. It’s something that is totally out of my control. Sometimes my wife will look at me and ask If I’m about to cry. She has a sixth sense for these things. Often I have a hard time telling a story because I’ll get choked up over it. I don’t know if it is because I have bipolar disorder or if I’m really in touch with my feelings. It’s a hindrance at times when I really need it not to be. Imagine trying to tell your boss a story where something joyous happened in your life and you start to cry over it. What I do know is that if I don’t allow myself to cry, I get all built up inside with emotions. It feels like I’ll explode. I feel as though it is unhealthy to hold back the tears. My recommendation to anyone who is like me, is to not hold back. Let the tears flow. You will feel so much better when you let them out. So if you are like me and you get all teary eyed watching American Idol, let the waterworks flow. You’ll feel better, it’s just showing that you are a compassionate person. I have a hard time feeling like this is a good post. Not all of them will be great. But I keep trying.

Doing It On Your Own

I’m in the technology field. I program, set up, and maintain servers in the cloud for a living. In my field Google is a close mentor for what we do. You would be amazed when you have had a problem how many other people have had the same problem. I don’t know about other jobs but for the most part, in my job it’s kind of like an unwritten rule that you only ask for help when you have exhausted all other options. You don’t want to feel like a fool. On top of that your colleagues will only help you after you have done your homework. This is not a bad environment to work in. There is plenty of help to be had when you need it. However, here are some tips and tricks I’ve learned about asking for help that might help you in your own life as well, no matter what your field is. When I find a problem that may have come from someone else’s code, I don’t throw my hands in the air and say it’s not my problem. I investigate the other person’s code and figure out how it works and if I can suggest a fix before going to them. This not only helps you understand the big picture but it gives you street credibility with the other person because you look like you know what you are talking about. How can you apply this to your field? Never say it’s not your problem. When you look into the problem and come up with possible solutions your colleagues and your boss will respect you a lot more. You will learn about the bigger picture as well. Maybe that promotion that you are waiting for might happen because you have demonstrated that you know more than just what your responsibilities are. Next, Google, Google, Google! When I’m facing an error message on my screen and I don’t know what it is, I simply copy and paste it into Google and about a dozen sites will show up with people having the same problem and how they solved it. Like I said it’s like having a mentor that is always around to help. Give it more than a cursory glance. Really spend time on the problem and think about it. Now what kinds of questions you need to ask before asking for help. If you don’t know the proper questions, how will you get the proper answers? Finally, when you do ask for help don’t let the person do it for you. That’s not how you will learn. Have them walk you through how to do it yourself step by step. Ask questions along the way if you don’t understand something. But actively learn instead of passively watching. I can’t stress how much better off you will be if you try to solve a problem yourself. Or at least giving it the old college try. You may surprise yourself and learn a lot more than you had originally intended.

Overcoming Stigmas

When I was young I was put in the class that would now be called remedial. Basically they thought I wasn’t very bright. I probably wasn’t, I was too young to remember. However, it had an effect on me. I was teased a lot for having to go to them. I was pulled out of normal class every day for this special help, and everyone knew it. I distinctly remember in first grade a teacher yelling at me at the top of her lungs in front of the whole class that I was going to be held back a year. Talk about positive reinforcement. I don’t remember what I did to upset her so much but I obviously made her pretty mad. When I got to my highschool years I had turned my education around and got a lot of great grades. How did this happen? Well I was given an IQ test and found that I was above average and put into a class for the gifted. My confidence went up a thousand times and I started to think I was smart. Fast forward to now and looking at my kids I can see the same pattern. All three of them went into remedial classes, however I don’t think they were teased for it. They all needed help in their own way. We never made a big deal about it, and the kids just accepted it as part of their education. One day I heard a study that kids who don’t get help with their homework were likely to do better than kids who did get help. I told this to my son and from that day on he didn’t want any help. Now I’m not saying this caused him to be brilliant, but it did give him confidence. He eventually tested out of the remedial class and is now getting straight A’s even in advanced classes. My twin daughters took the same route. They were not told about the getting help with homework study. But for the most part they did their homework on their own. What I mean is with little intervention from my wife and I. They still had each other to rely on. Now they to are getting straight A’s in the normal classes and will probably test out of the remedial class as well. It’s important to not place a stigma on our kids. They don’t need to feel less than adequate because they are in remedial classes. I felt stupid because of how I was treated for being in such a class but that was 40 years ago. Teachers were not as kind or caring as they were now. However, we never made my kids feel stupid for needing help. It had actually done wonders for their education. Now my kids are smart and confident in themselves. They tackle things on their own and are very independent. I think we could learn a lesson here about how to treat our kids growing up. Don’t worry if they seem a little behind when they first start out. Trust me they often will catch up.

My Temper

Growing up I had a temper that was unrivaled. I got into a lot of fights because I couldn’ take a joke, or handle being teased. I regret having it, and all the harm I’ve caused other kids throughout my life. It’s embarrassing to admit I had it, but it happened and I have to own up to it. I hope that you learn from what I’m about to say, because maybe you or someone you know also has an explosive temper. Here goes. I enjoyed blowing my top off. It was such an adrenaline rush and it was freeing. I’m not condoning my behavior as appropriate in any way, but it lets the pressure out of me. When I smashed things it felt good. When I hit someone I truly felt I was repaying someone for a wrong that they had done to me. I felt like I could do anything. Until I settled down and had to face the consequences of what I had done. Then the shame would sink it. Have I gotten over my temper, not 100% but I have settled down a lot. I haven’t gotten into a fight since my childhood. To be honest, I’d throw my back out if I threw a punch now. But once in a great while I will lose my cool. However, it’s important for me to share with you how I was able to tame it for the most part. I learned how to laugh at myself. I’m no longer bothered by people who tease me. Sometimes I may misinterpret someone teasing me as them being serious but I don’t blow up over it. The second thing is I have started to think about the consequences more than the feeling of enjoying it. I am more aware of the shame I feel after the fact and try to use that to settle myself down. The pain of shame is greater than the thrill of losing my temper. I hope that this was helpful to you. I don’t want to claim I’m the authoritative source on how to get rid of a temper. This is just how I dealt with it. Maybe you can deal with it the same way.

How Would She Take It?

Whenever I post I’m sharing a little bit of my life with you. I’m letting you in on any emotional secrets that I have. I talk about things that can be personal at times, and reveal a little about my family life. However, I’ve learned the hard way that I need to take my wife’s feelings into consideration as well. I need to be aware that she has a different perspective on what I’ve been posting. For example, I posted that ever since I started thinking about money to attract it, that money has “fallen into my lap”. I didn’t say how. My wife read this and got very upset. Not that I was talking about money, but for how I worded it. You see, to begin with it wasn’t “my” money it was “our” money. It was a good thing that happened to both of us. The way I said it may have sounded bad, but it gets worse. I made it sound like the money came from nowhere. The truth is that some of the money came in the form of unexpected bonuses that my wife had earned. She worked hard for those bonuses, it didn’t just fall into our lap. She was very offended by this, and rightly so. I need to start thinking about how I portray my life and my attitude. It’s not just my life, it’s my family's life as well. They have a say in how events occurred as well. I hope that I’ve learned this valuable lesson and that you have learned from my mistakes. I do want to clarify things. Money just doesn’t fall into your lap, it shows up for a reason. What I really should have said is that we received money unexpectedly. I hope that you all try to think about money and have it unexpectedly show up in your life as well.

I’m Great!

Whenever I get a text or a message from someone and they ask me how I’m doing I usually say I’m great, or fantastic, or some other really excited emotion. I do this on purpose no matter how I feel, because it shakes me out of any negative mood that I might be in. It’s not pretending to be great, it’s forcing myself to be great. It’s choosing what I want my emotion to be. I want the other person sending me a message to know that I’m feeling wonderful and that I’m happy to hear from them. Now a text from my wife is a different story. She truly wants to know how I feel so that she can be supportive. I allow myself to be in whatever mood I’m in with her because that’s how a loving relationship should be. We shouldn’t hide ourselves from our partners. I’m not saying that I’m lying when I say I’m great. As soon as I respond with it I really do feel great, and I hope that I’m lifting up the spirits of the other person as well. It’s important to me that I’m not a downer with most people. I want to drag others with me to happiness, even if they are kicking and screaming. So when asked “how are you?” try to lift your spirits up for the other person. Make them feel welcomed to have reached out to you. Hearing from someone usually indicates that they care about you and want to hear from you. Just be prepared to receive any emotion they send back positively. Unfortunately not everyone can be as cheerful as you.

Not Quite Perfect

In the book Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, he talks about times when he gets angry or frustrated. He does talk about ways to get over those feelings, but it goes to show that even he is not perfect. He doesn’t have to be. As much as motivational speakers try, their lives are not impervious to emotions. Human emotions are a part of life, we can’t avoid them. So unless you are a holy man striving to live up to the expectations of your religion, then it’s ok to be a human. I am far from perfect, I also get angry, upset, and have bad moods. I try not to allow them to affect me, however it can be difficult to practice what you preach. My wife sometimes points out to me that I’m not being the person I want to be. I try to recognize my mood and adjust it with the techniques I’ve read and written about. What I’m getting at is that it’s ok for you to be human and experience emotions. They are necessary for our well being. You just have to be careful that you don’t let your negative emotions rule your life. Don’t let them get away from you and ruin your day. So don’t feel guilty that you get upset, or angry or sad. It’s a part of life. Just try not to let it affect your relationships or your life to the point where it can be harmful. We are not perfect, life happens.

New Ideas

As I’ve said in previous posts I’ve been reading like a madman. I’m basically studying all I can to be a motivational speaker. As I read I take notes as to what I want to post about when ideas come to me. Because I enjoy this so much it has quickly become a serious habit. This is an example of how good habits form. If you love your new pattern and you do it over and over again it quickly can become a positive habit. This one has formed so much that I stopped wasting my time watching every bad horror movie I could, which really wasn’t enriching my life at all. Now all my time is spent doing quality reading that is getting me to my end goal. I say all this to show you an example of how to build a good habit. It takes repetition, and a growing love for what you do. In one month I have developed this habit that seems to have stuck and is turning my life around. Look for habits that will enhance your life and start building them. Get those neural pathways forming in your brain, making it easier and easier to perform the habit. Give yourself a chance at a more positive life.

A Lesson in Posture

My wife wanted to remodel my office which is dark and cold like a dungeon. I know she wants to do it for me because she wants what is best for me. I also know she loves to remodel, and as much as I hate to remodel my office needs an overhaul. Last night my wife came down into my office after I was done working and started to talk about what possible plans she has for the office. I didn’t want to be mister negative and thought I would let her go on about ideas and just say things like “We can see.” or “I’ll think about it.” I didn’t realize that my arms were crossed and I had a scowl on my face. I was tired after work and wasn’t really in the mood to go over plans. However, I wanted her to be happy so I listened, but I wasn’t listening the correct way. I should have been more energetic and receptive to ideas. I should have made my own suggestions. Instead I stood there and didn’t say much. I shouldn’t have ruined what should have been a great experience for her. But all I could think about was how much work it was going to take to relocate all my stuff and set up a place to work. Later that night I was laying in bed and thinking about the renovations. I planned it out in my head as to where I would set up my desk in another part of the basement and start pulling stuff out this weekend. In the morning when I saw my wife I asked if she had any totes I could use. She asked why and I said that I wanted to start moving stuff out of the office. This really upset her. I couldn’t understand why. That’s when she explained to me how my posture the day before had really taken the wind out of her sails. She didn’t think I wanted to do it, and now I was going ahead to do it without her. I didn’t think about it like that. She asked how I planned on being a motivational speaker if I don’t know how to control my posture. She was right. I did need to change my posture so that I can be more positive. Even when I’m tired I need to be aware of my surroundings and other people's feelings. It is not fair of me to not give my full attention to someone who is trying to do something nice for me. So the lesson is that you really need to self-reflect and pay attention to your posture and what you say. It really can have a negative or positive impact on other people.

Why Not

George Bernard Shaw said, “Some men see things as they are and say, ‘Why?’ I dream of things that never were, and say, ‘Why not?’” This quote is brimming full of excitement. It’s challenging you to strive to dream and create. It has quickly become one of my top five favorite quotes. If you dream of becoming a successful writer, then why not? If you want a better job, then why not? If you want to wear purple bell bottoms and a yellow with red polka dots shirt, then why not? What’s holding you back? Is it the fear of failure? The fear of what others might think of you? You shouldn’t care about those things because, why not? There are probably a few reasons to not chase your dream but none of them are really valid. You might think it’s too hard. Well it might be but it’s not impossible. You might think that you might fail. You only fail when you give up. Or you might think that purple bell bottoms and yellow with red polka dots shirt might clash with your blue tie. That may be true, but who cares! The important thing is that you are chasing your dream and creating your reality. Start asking yourself every morning, “why not?” When you have doubts ask “why not?” again and see where it gets you.

Quality Questions

In the book Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, he says that quality questions lead to quality life. I believe he is correct. They say that there is no such thing as a stupid questions. Well I argue that there is such a thing as a wrong question. You might say how can a question be wrong? Only answers can be wrong. I say then you’ve never played Jeopardy, LOL! A wrong question is asking yourself, “Why am I so stupid?” That question will only lead to negative thinking. The right question is, “What can I do to learn more?”. That is the kind of question that will lead to a quality life. Tony explains that our brains are always thinking of questions. “What should I wear?”, “What job should I take?”, “Should I ask them to marry me?”. Some of these questions are pretty important. Some of them are quality questions. So how do they lead to a quality life? You need to start by asking yourself what do you want in your life? What is my goal? Where do I want to be? All great questions, you need to know what the end looks like. But once you have figured that out comes the important question. What is my plan of action that will get me there? Dreaming of the future is great, it boosts morale, and gives you something to look forward to. But planning for the future can be wonderful too. The process of getting there, the many questions that will arise in the journey, and all the answers whether right or wrong will make it an adventure. Start asking those important quality questions. Don’t wait another minute. Your road to a quality life awaits you.

How I Eliminated Most of My Stress

Rarely do you hear me complain about stress. I don’t get stressed out about work or going to the dentist. Pretty much I don’t get stressed about anything. But there was one thing that stressed me out to no end! It was the news. I was addicted to watching the news, so much so that I would have to read multiple articles from various news sources to get as much as I could on a particular topic. I was so addicted that I would do research and fact check the articles I read. I stopped paying attention to the news in 2017 and was living a blissfully ignorant life for a while. I would frustrate my Canadian mother-in-law because she would ask me what I thought about something in the news and I would say, “I have no clue, I don’t pay attention to the news.” She thought it was funny that a Canadian would know more about what’s happening in my country than I did. I was very successful until Covid hit. Then I had no choice but to pay attention to the news. This actually affected my life. I had to know what the risks were and how bad it was getting. This plunged me right back into the world of stress I had avoided. I even subscribe to NewsWeek and Time magazine. Eventually I had to say enough was enough. I went back to my ignorant bliss. If I needed to know something important I relied on my wife to tell me. My point is that the news causes so much stress and anxiety. Why pay attention to it? Does what you hear and read actually do something for you? Does it improve your life? Or like me does it make your blood boil and you start to go crazy? I recommend giving it a try. Stop paying attention to the news for a couple weeks and see how your stress levels go down. Take the time to enjoy your breakfast without your favorite news source on the tv, or that newspaper in your hand, or that article on your phone. However, you get your news just stop. Tell me how it feels after the craving goes away. That reminds me I have to cancel my NewsWeek subscription.

I Changed My Alarm Clock

For years now I’ve let sleep rule my life. I would sleep 10-11 hours a night. Sometimes even take naps! I’ve recently started to put my foot down and began capping my sleep time to 8 hours a night. I wanted to regain those extra 2 or 3 hours and use them for something productive. I live by alarm clocks. I had several on my phone to remind me to do things. I had a 6am alarm to wake up the girls for school. I’d then go back to bed until the 7:15am alarm went off to tell the girls to get ready for the bus. I would then go back to bed until the 8:30 alarm would go off for work, and I would probably hit snooze a couple times. A week ago I shut off my 8:30am alarm and stayed up from 6am on. I would either read or write so that I could make productive use of my time. However, I still needed a reminder to go to work so I set an alarm for 8:55am so that I would get on my computer and be at work on time. By shutting off my 8:30am alarm I was committing to staying up. If I left it I would inevitably use it. So when I adjusted it to 8:55am it was like setting a stake in the sand. I was claiming my sleep schedule even if it kills me. What was funny was when my wife saw me before she went to work she said, “You got up really late today?” I said, “What do you mean I’ve been up since 6am.” She then explained that she heard my alarm go off at 8:55am. I told her that was the new me, it was my alarm to remind me to go to work. I know that hearing about my sleep schedule isn’t very exciting, but there really is a lesson to be learned from it. If you want to make a change you have to put that stake in the sand somewhere and make the change.

Experience

Aldous Huxley said “Experience is not what happens to a man: it’s what a man does with what happens to him.” We all have experiences, however what matters is how we handle them. Our relationship with our experiences shape who we are. They mold us into the person people see. We can either let a bad experience affect us negatively or we can learn from it and make it a positive in our lives. Many people attribute what is negative about them to what they’ve experienced in the past. For example, my parents didn’t show me any love and that’s why I have a hard time expressing it. Why not look at it a different way? Why not say that because of it you show as much love as you can? As a child I didn’t know it, however now with hindsight, I can see that my father didn’t like me very much. I don’t know why, maybe I reminded him too much of himself. I didn’t let those experiences when he showed a dislike for me shape me negatively. I let it teach me a lesson, and now I don’t show dislike for anyone that I meet. I have turned it into a positive. Start learning from your experiences in a positive way. Even the worst experience can have something good come of it. It may not seem that way at the time, but down the road it will. So actively choose how an experience shapes you. Think about it before it gets to be a negative and turn it around into a positive.

You Don't Need a Reason

You don’t need a reason to feel good. It’s such a simple statement, and requires a simple solution. Most people wait for good things to happen to them before they allow themselves to feel good. However, feeling good can be a conscious choice. When you don’t feel good, it is often the case that you are dwelling on negative thoughts and memories. You could be ruminating about how someone slighted you. Or you are thinking that you are a screw up and are worthless. You could be thinking of how you are in a bad situation that you don’t know how to get out of. How can we change those thoughts? Well you have a treasure trove of positive memories to choose from. Bring those positive memories back to the forefront of your mind and remember how they made you feel. Start to put yourself in the same emotional state that the memory brings up. Smile, laugh, and love yourself. It’s ok, you can give yourself permission to. Now that you are remembering those positive thoughts and feelings you can start to think and plan. You can figure out a way out of the emotional state you where in. You won’t be focused on the negative anymore. If you are in a bad situation you can plan how you are going to get out of it. You should be able to think straight again. Don’t wait for the next good thing to come along to make you happy. When you start to consciously choose to be happy, good things will come along. You will start to see the good things in your life and be able to enjoy them more.

Changing Your Busy Schedule

If you think you are too busy to make a positive change, then you need to change your priorities. Many of us think that we couldn’t possibly dedicate time to make a positive change in our lives because we do not have enough time in the day to focus on it. I’m here to tell you you are wrong. I’ve said it before, don’t equate being busy to being successful. People who feel they are too busy are often trying to avoid something. They could be trying to feel important and needed instead of lonely. They could be trying to keep from thinking about their emotions. There are many things that people could be trying to avoid. Whatever you are trying to avoid probably makes you feel uncomfortable. It may be a quality that you see in yourself that you are afraid to confront and change. You need to get out of your comfort zone, realize what you need to change, and do it. Start making time in your life to change something for the better. As an example, because someone is busy they eat fast food all the time. Then they keep busy so they don’t have to blame themselves for being unhealthy. They can blame their busy schedule. They tell themselves, I’m too busy to cook healthy, I’m too busy to exercise, or I’m too busy to go shopping instead of buying fast food. ENOUGH! It’s time to change your priorities to make positive changes in your life. You need to sit down, look at your schedule, and find all the extra time you can to squeeze in your positive changes. If you don’t you are letting life control you instead of you controlling your life. When you are busy you are simply on cruise control letting precious time slip by. So start planning your life and make a positive change. Get outside that comfort zone and decide what you want in life. Look at what you are trying to avoid and stop avoiding it.

The Tizzler Swizzler

Tony Robbins explains that when you break a bad habit you need to replace it with a good habit. That way you are more likely to stay away from the bad habit. That’s why smokers often gain weight after quitting. They didn’t replace it with a good habit so instead they found another bad habit of eating unhealthy. This reminds me of my stepfather. He tried to quit smoking once and replaced his addiction for smoking with eating Twizzlers. He didn’t replace the bad habit with another good habit. Now he is back to smoking and addicted to Twizzlers as well. Let’s look at people (including me) who are trying to lose weight and keep it off. Many of us try to just simply diet and restrict ourselves from the foods we love. We never stick to it because we do not replace the bad habit with something good and healthy. Instead of just dieting, replace the bad habit with something you like to do. I personally have started to really enjoy working out. I am replacing my bad eating habit with something I’m enjoying doing. Besides, working out amplifies my weight loss journey. Think really hard about what good habits you can do to replace bad habits. It should be simple that you can do in place of the bad habit, and it must be pleasurable. Try reading a book you love for a while instead of eating. Take up a new hobby. Go for a walk. Anything to take your mind off the bad habit. The more you do the pleasurable thing the easier it will become to do. Eventually the old bad habit will go away.

Capability v.s. Motivation

In the book Awakening the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, he says “Change is usually not a question of capability. It’s almost always a question of motivation.” There is nothing stopping us from changing then our own decision to change. We don’t have to wait for some external force to make the change for us. You can’t say it’s too hard, it costs too much, it’s out of my reach, etc.. These are all just excuses. Nothing is too hard if we practice enough. Nothing is too expensive if we buckle down and save for it. Trust me, nothing is ever out of your reach. As an example, I used to do projects all over the house. I used to do sheetrock, paint, build things, etc. Then I became lazy. My wife would ask me to do a project and I would say it’s too hard and that we should hire someone else to do it. She would get upset with me because I have all the tools to do it and I have done work like that in the past. She is right, it’s not too hard, I just don’t have the motivation to do it anymore. So I’ve made it a commitment to myself to remodel my basement office. It will take a lot of work but I’m not afraid to do it anymore. I’m exercising so I can’t say being out of shape is my excuse either. I have the tools, I have the knowledge, and I sure as heck want to save the money by doing it myself. So stop saying that you are not capable of doing something and start motivating yourself to do it. There is never anything too hard that you can’t achieve.

Attracting Negative Things

I have read several books on how to attract things in your life. They explain it this way; Everything is created of energy which has a certain vibration. Like vibrations attract each other. I’m not sure I believe all that, but in a previous post I mentioned that it’s sort of happening to me with money. The more I think about money the more I seem to get. In the book Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins he says, “If we focus more on what we don’t want the more we will get of it.” This falls under the same category of like things attracting each other. If you are asked what you want and you tend to respond with knowing what you don’t want, then you are focusing on the negative things in your life. By focusing on those negative things you will only attract those negative things. For example if I ask you what you want in life and you say, “I don’t know, but I know what I don’t want, I don’t want to be fat anymore.” Then you are only going to attract the negative thing of being fat still. You are focusing on being fat in a negative light. The better way to say this is, “I know I want to lose weight.” Turn it around from a negative to a positive. If you know what you don’t want then you just simply have to say it in a positive manner. It’s all in your mindset. You have to stop being a negative person and start thinking in positive terms. The more you think in positive terms the more positive you will become. So turn that frown upside down and make it a smile.

The Tunnel to Nowhere

In one of my bipolar manic phases before I was diagnosed and treated, I got the brilliant idea that I wanted to dig a tunnel from my basement. The tunnel was just going to the end of my property line and just stopped. I felt that I’d get some exercise and channel my inner child at the same time. My colleagues were very encouraging of this idea and even came up with uses for the tunnel. One use was to brew lager beer since it needed cooler temps to brew and underground would be nice and cool. Another idea was to turn it into a gun range. It would prevent the sound from echoing throughout the neighborhood and I wouldn’t have to worry about the bullets going into someone else’s houses. Fortunately my wifes rational mind prevailed and she put a stop to the idea. Like I said, we had no clue that I had bipolar disorder or that I was manic and coming up with all kinds of grandiose ideas. But it does go to show just how irrational my mind had gotten at times. How does this relate to pursuing your dreams? You could say that I had a dream and that my wife squashed it. I have been talking about chasing your dreams all along no matter how crazy it sounds. Well, you could look at it that way, but in the end I had a plan without a goal. The plan was to dig a tunnel but I had no vision or end goal in mind as to why I was going to dig it. I was just digging for the fun of digging. Now that I think about it, digging isn’t really that much fun. The point is that if you are going to dig a tunnel, have an end goal and vision in mind. Don’t dig a tunnel to know where.

The Seeds of Doubt

In the book Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, he talks about challenging your opinions, beliefs, and convictions. It was just a coincidence that recently I have started to challenge my beliefs. I was raised kind of like an evangelical christian. Around college I became an atheist. However, I’ve been a Buddhist for the last 11 years. I thought I had it all figured out. But recently I’ve had the seeds of doubt creep in. It’s not been one thing that did it, but a series of readings that have challenged the way I think. I have been reading a lot of these self help/motivational books and many of them talk about things like God, the Universe, or the Source Energy. Whatever you want to call it. These books talk about vibrations, the laws of attraction, and manifesting what you want. These concepts are new to me and I have to admit they seemed wishy washy. But I am opening up my mind to the concept. I can’t say that I am manifesting whatever I want out of thin air. But the concept of manifesting is meditating on something and causing yourself to become magnetic to it. For example if you meditate on money in a certain way you are setting yourself up to get money. Now being a Buddhist I truly believe in the power of meditation, I get it. So I haven’t been meditating the same way that the books say to, but I have been thinking/meditating about money a lot. I have to say ever since I’ve started thinking about attracting money, it’s been falling into my lap. I can’t say that it’s just coincidence, can I? I literally did nothing to earn this money. It makes me wonder what else I can work on attracting. Can I attract readers to this blog? Can I attract speaking engagements? It can’t hurt to try. Now I’m not going to leave it up to the Universe to bring these things my way. I am going to work hard at getting those things. But maybe, just maybe, things will start falling in place for me. I can say that if things start to fall into place for me, I’m definitely going to rethink my concept of a higher power helping me out. I won’t stop believing in reincarnation but I might think there is a guiding hand that you can love and trust.

Error on the Side of Overestimating

Tony Robbins said in his book Awaken the Giant Within that if you are going to error, error on the side of overestimating. This was in the context of a pessimist v.s. an optimist. A pessimist will underestimate what they can do and so will not reach their fullest potential. An optimist will overestimate what they can do and reach beyond their fullest potential. As I’ve said in previous posts, people like to reach goals 80% of the time. They like setting goals that are just out of their reach. It’s not fun reaching every goal all the time nor is it fun never reaching goals. This is related to overestimating what you can do. You are going to enjoy it more when you try to exceed your fullest potential to reach your goal. How many times have you done something you didn’t know you could do? It felt amazing right? Often doing something that we never thought we could do is outside of our comfort zone. Once we have done it there is no looking back. You have moved the boundaries of your limits and your comfort zone. Once you’ve gone beyond your limits once, what other limits can you go beyond? Could you start making it a habit to go beyond? Could you wire yourself to become an optimist? I believe you can. You can change your life and start doing what you never thought imaginable. So if you start moving the goalposts in your life a little farther away each time, you will begin the process of becoming an optimist. Reach further than you’ve ever reached before. Imagine the changes you will make in your life.

Admit When You Need Help

Now this story is deeply personal to me but I hope that you receive it well and that it sinks in. As a person with bipolar disorder I have my extreme highs (manic) and extreme lows (depression). Now it’s not like what people think, it’s not like a switch that turns on and off again frequently. It’s more of a gradual process where you are in one state or another over a longer period of time. You don’t even notice it happening. In the past many times when I become depressed it takes the observation of my wife to kick me in the but to see that I’m depressed. I don’t easily notice it at the time or subconsciously I deny it. I don’t like to admit when I’m depressed because it makes me feel like a failure. I have always been open about my bipolar disorder. It’s the first thing I tell a new boss when I get one. Not so that they can fire me, that has yet to happen, but so that they can help observe me and notice when something might be wrong. All the bosses I’ve had have been very receptive to it and have made me feel as though I did the right thing in telling them. One day I was riding in the car with my colleagues going to lunch. They were more like great friends to me. They had mentored me throughout my career. I was sitting in the back seat when I noticed that I was thinking about what it would be like to kill myself. I pondered this for a while, then realized that this was not supposed to happen. I was severely depressed. I spoke up to my friends and said, “Guys I think I’m suicidal.” We had extensive training on suicide prevention in the government so we talked about it and began to realize that I had been showing the signs over the previous few weeks. My friends took me to my boss and told him the situation. My boss was very kind and understanding. He assured me that this wouldn’t affect my career. He gave me the time off to get help. My friends drove me to the doctor and stayed with me the whole time. The key is I recognized I needed help. I asked for it. If you are ever in a situation where you need help for anything emotionally related, please seek it. Recognizing you need help is the first step. The second step is having the courage to ask for it.

The Effectiveness of Drugs

A Harvard study done by Dr. Henry Beecher once tested the effectiveness of drugs. They told one group of people that they were going to take a red pill that was a super-stimulant. They told another group of people that they were going to take a super-tranquilizer. What they didn’t tell the groups was that they had actually reversed the drugs. The group that took a so-called super-stimulant were energetic even though they took a tranquilizer. The other group was lethargic even though they took a stimulant. Dr. Beecher said, “the drugs usefulness is a direct result of not only the chemical properties of the drug, but also the patient’s belief in the usefulness and effectiveness of the drug” Now I’m not saying that the drugs don’t work. I’m not advocating that drugs are hogwash. They do what they are supposed to do chemically. However, without the person’s belief in the drugs they may not be as effective. For example, I have been on the same medication for my bipolar disorder for years now. I haven’t had to change it. I had tried many drugs before and they just didn’t work. Some made me a zombie, some made me sleep all the time, and one even caused my arms to spasm so much in the night that I couldn’t sleep. Until I met a doctor who said he could help. I really believed this doctor, he was kind and sympathetic. He prescribed me a combination of drugs that seemed to work. I had no side effects and I started to level off and act like a normal person. The point is that I believed in my doctor so I believed in the drugs. I’m not saying that the drugs are all in my head, I’m saying that by believing they would work I had a better chance of seeing positive results. I’ve heard so many people say, “The drugs are not working!” I have to wonder if the drugs not working or the people not believing they will work. If you are on some sort of drugs to help with some condition, it sounds to me that you need to give them a chance and start believing in them. You might have better results.

You Are Not Incompetent

When you try and fail you can get down on yourself. When you try and fail many times, you might think you are incompetent. This is further from the truth than you can imagine. Every time you fail you are one step closer to success. I have failed many times and I have started to get back up and try again. I can remember a time when I was working for the Air Force, when I had a great research idea. I thought I had finally come up with an original idea. I wrote up a proposal and showed it to my boss. He said it looks good but I need to get the advice of the division’s CTC lead before going up to the Chief Scientist to ask for money to do the work. They had scheduled me in with some of my colleagues in my branch so each of us could present our ideas to the CTC lead. My colleagues went first. I was shocked to find out that they were presenting the same idea as me but only bigger and better. I didn’t know what to do, I had prepared slides for my presentation and had to give it anyways. So I gave my presentation and sure enough was asked what the difference was between my idea and the one before me. I had to admit that nothing was different except that their proposal was better. I was embarrassed to say the least. The lesson I learned from it was don’t keep your ideas a secret and worry about someone else taking credit. Don’t work in a vacuum and think that you know it all. As Richard Hamming had explained in his talk You and Your Research, I needed to keep the door to my office open so that I could hear the ideas of my colleagues. I also learned that more people can think of a better idea than just one. They had several people working on their team and they out performed me in their proposal. I wasn’t able to compete. So I was humbled and realized that I should seek help whenever possible. I shouldn’t let my ego get in the way. Over the years I had many rejections for proposals and conference papers for one reason or another. But sometimes I didn’t and I felt great. I didn’t think I was incompetent for failing so many times. I just kept trying. All successful people have many failures in their life before they succeed. The key was that they kept learning and never gave up. Whenever you are faced with a series of failures don’t let that stop you. Learn from those failures and apply those lessons to the next idea you have.

Practice More Than Everyone Else

I’ve been reading Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, and something he explained made perfect sense to me. He said that while other people in his trade would speak 48 times a year, he would speak three times a day. That way he would accumulate a decade’s worth of experience in one year. When others thought he was a natural at it, he would try to explain that he was a natural due to hard work. This got me thinking. When I read other peoples blogs they are writing on average about once a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but never more than once a day. I have been writing five to twelve posts a day. I’m compacting experience so that I can grow faster. I want to improve my writing skills to the point where I could easily write a book. I also want to develop those motivational skills by coming up with new content and new ideas every day. Tony says, “Mastery takes as long as you want it to take.” Those words sink in for me. You can’t measure progress by a time schedule, but rather an experience schedule. How many times can you practice your craft with intent? Can you only do it five minutes a day? An hour a day? Or can you dedicate several hours a day as you have seen so many prodigies do. Yes you get the rare savants or geniuses who can pick up a violin and start playing it with ease. But those people are few and far between. The prodigies practice for hours a day, not because they have to, but because they want to. I get up early each morning now and start writing until it is time to start my job. I would say go to work, but I work remotely so I don’t really go anywhere, LOL! Then when I get off of work I start to read motivational/self help books every spare moment that I can until it’s time to go to bed. I take notes as I read about ideas that I’d like to write about in my next day's posts. So in summary, if you want to chase your dreams you need to put in the work. You have to be committed and unwavering in your resolve. If you have to wake up early or stay up late to squeeze the time in, then so be it. You need to make sacrifices sometimes to get what you want. If you keep trying I know you’ll get there.

Helping People and Getting Help

I worked for the Air Force as a civilian doing computer science research for 17 years. Then I moved on to be a site reliability engineer for a private company, also a technical job. I love my current job and enjoy the challenge. One thing I’ve always envied is jobs where you help people. I never wanted to be a doctor or a nurse, but I know there are many other jobs out there where I’m helping people. I think such a job would be so satisfying, and bring me joy to my life. However, some jobs would be too much for me to handle emotionally such as a social worker. I easily become attached to people and emphasize with them. I also cry easily over both sad and happy things. I would be a blubbering mess, LOL! I think that’s why I take to motivational speaking so well. I can help people with less crying. I can’t wait to get in front of an audience and share what I’ve learned through the years. Especially as someone who has been living with bipolar disorder. I feel that my challenge to overcome bipolar disorder has positioned me into a unique situation where I had to learn many hard lessons. One of the many hard lessons I had to learn was admitting when I was wrong. When I become manic or depressed and my wife confronts me about it, I adamantly deny it. How could she know what was going on inside my head? But she was always right. She could sense something was wrong before I could. When that happens I would be embarrassed but knew it was time to talk to my doctor and get things straightened out. My doctor always knew when something was wrong when my wife would come to the appointments with me. If someone says, “Is there something wrong?” “You seem down.” “You are not your usual self.” Please listen to them. They are only trying to help. They are coming from a place of love and caring. Don’t automatically brush them off and say everything is fine. Chances are something is not fine. Our closest loved ones should know us well enough to notice a difference. So forget your pride, and admit to yourself that something may be wrong. As uncomfortable as it may seem you should seek help. Admit when you might be wrong.

Can v.s. Can’t

Henry Ford often said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you're right”. How can you be right with two opposite statements? Henry’s statement defies logic. You can be when it’s a state of mind that affects your reality. As stated in a previous post, what you believe is your reality. If you think you can get the job of your dreams you will get it if you pursue it. However, if you think you can’t get the job of your dreams you will never try and never get it. Why do I keep posting even when no one is reading them? Because I think I can eventually get the audience that I want to read my posts. I once had the opportunity to do three weeks of intensive military training even though I was a civilian. I had to drop 40 lbs in three months to be in the shape I needed to be in order to go. I told my boss if he signed off on it, I would get into shape and he believed in me so I got the ok. I trained hard. I rode my bike to work every day 12 miles one way. I went to the gym 5 days a week and got on the elliptical. I started doing PT with the Airmen that I worked with. I got on a healthy diet. By the time the three months was up I was riding my bike up to 75 miles a time on the weekends. I was running 5k marathons and coming in the top three for my age group. And I dropped the 40 lbs needed to do the training. I had an I can attitude. Can’t was not in my vocabulary. Now 12 years later I had gained back 50 lbs. I lose breath going up a single flight of stars. I started not doing projects around the house. However, as I’ve posted before that has all changed. I’m eating right, I’m exercising, and I’m losing weight. The thing that keeps me going is knowing that I did it before. So I can do it again. This time I have good reasons to keep it off so I know I can do that as well. So don’t ever think you can’t do something or you will be right. Believe in yourself and always say you can.

How Envy Can Be Positive

A lot of people think there is a negative connotation to envy. One of the definitions of envy is ​​a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck. Words like “discontented” and “resentful” make it a negative trait. However, I’m here to tell you that envy is only negative if you let it remain a feeling. When you act upon envy it becomes a positive. For example, if I envy someone else’s big house it can lead to negative feelings. I could start to dislike the person who has the big house. I could begin to get depressed for not having it. There are a whole gamut of reasons that having that kind of envy is bad. However, if you act upon your envy in a positive way then it is a good trait. If it drives you to become a better person or chase your dreams then you are simply adding it to the reasons to keep going. For example, if you envy someone else’s job, you could start using that as fuel to go after the same job. Let it encourage you to get the education or training you need to do so. Let’s face it, there are many of us who envy something someone else has. If we just stew upon it then it’s a bad thing. But if we act upon it in a positive way it could be just what you need to get what you want.

Manic v.s. Driven Part Two

After writing the Manic v.s. Driven post, I talked to my wife about it. We first talked about how she was driven. For her, drive was not being able to stop thinking about what you need to do. She said she would only think about all the emails that are piling up in her inbox or the reports she has to run. If she keeps thinking about them without acting upon it, she starts to get anxious. She knows that if she doesn’t do something about it she will toss and turn all night and not be able to get any sleep. She also knows that she has to balance her home life with work. She said that if we are watching a movie together, or eating, or swimming, etc. she will not leave for work because it’s a family activity. However, if the girls are on their iPads, my son is on his video games, and I have my nose buried in a book she feels like she is just sitting there thinking about all the work she has to do, or the shopping that needs to get done. So she acts upon it. Then the conversation came around to my bipolar disorder. She absolutely thinks I’m in a manic phase. She is worried about it and where it will lead to but for now she will let it ride. The reason is that she thinks I’m only doing positive things right now, nothing negative. I’m reading self help books, I’m writing, I’m exercising. Nothing that is detrimental to the family. She first noticed it when I joined WW (formally Weight Watchers). I became obsessed with my eating and exercise. I was on the WW Connect app all the time which is WW’s form of social media. I was writing posts, making motivational videos, and commenting on other people’s posts nonstop. That’s what sparked the idea that I wanted to finally become a motivational speaker. Yes I can become obsessed with things. However, like my wife said, it’s currently all for the positive. I’m happy because I’m being creative again. It’s improved my morale, and also even helped me with my job. Our biggest fear is that if I give up I’ll crash into a depression. Then I’ll have a whole new problem on my hands. But for now, watch out world here I come!

The Act of Flow

In the book Grit by Angela Duckworth, she talks about a state that people with grit describe as flow. Where everything seems to be going perfect without much effort. This can be seen in athletes, musicians, and even spelling bee champions (Angela studied spelling bee contestants). Many people who do repetitive tasks over and over again can get into a flow. For example you could work on an assembly line sorting widgets. Eventually it starts to flow and you don’t even have to think about the sorting. For me the flow comes in the form of writing. I seem to be able to put my thoughts in a logical order, or at least I hope they are, LOL! I even enjoy the act of typing. I get into typing so much that I type with pizzazz. I had to look up the spelling of pizzazz because I’m not a spelling bee champion. I will hit a key extra hard and then lift my hands from the keyboard as if I were playing the piano and having fun. Angela says that when we practice we have to practice with intention. Like we are not just going through the motions but really concentrating on what we do to improve. The practice is about quality. However, when you are in a flow you are enjoying your practice. The thing is you have to practice over and over again to be able to be good enough to get into the state of flow. You just can’t pick up a violin and start practicing and expect it to flow let alone enjoy it. Flow comes when you start to master things. So my advice to you is practice practice practice until you can reach a state of flow. Trust me the flow will feel great when you get there.

Manic v.s. Driven

Due to my bipolar disorder, sometimes I can become manic. When a person is manic some of the symptoms are excitement and energy. Working on projects to the exclusion of all other activities. Changing ideas and thoughts. Increased creativity. Starting to spend money. Along with many more very negative effects. The problem is these symptoms can compound upon each other and cause some serious problems for someone with bipolar disorder. The funny thing is that they also seem to be the qualities of someone who is driven to chase their dreams. In my reading it often says that you need to focus on your goal and not get distracted by anything that will take you away from your goal. You need to put in the time and effort it takes to reach your dreams. You have to be creative. They all sound the same as someone who is manic! The difference is that there are a lot more symptoms that go along with mania that cause someone to get out of touch with reality. I mean really out of touch. For example, I once threw away all the plastics in my house because I saw a documentary that said how bad they were for you and the environment. Do you know how hard it is to live without plastic? Pretty hard! So I do currently show signs of mania, for example I have a lot more energy. I am doing a project to the exclusion of most other activities. I am becoming very creative. And I’m posting a lot of different thoughts on my blog. I bought a laptop, a green screen, and a selfie light ring to help me post videos. However, I don’t have any of the nasty symptoms that go with mania. So I think I’m driven at the moment. However, I have to keep a close eye on myself to prevent that. My wife is the first person to notice signs of mania and depression. She knows them all and can pick up on the changes in me right away. Often she will confront me with them and tell me it’s time for either a change in medication or to get ahold of my symptoms with sheer will power before it comes too late and I need to be hospitalized until I’m under control. Yes, that happens once in a blue moon. I’m not ashamed of it, it comes with the territory of having bipolar disorder. Currently my wife is nervous. For now I think I’m safe. I’m just driven to pursue my dream of being a motivational speaker. I work full time and can still concentrate on my job. It just looks like I’m always working on my dream, because I have no choice but to do the activities needed outside of work. I only have a limited amount of time to get things done. I want to start speaking soon. I have to find a balance or else my disorder will get the best of me. My motivational story is to show how I overcame bipolar disorder. I can’t let my motivational story be the cause of me losing control and effectively losing my dream.

Sometimes You Don't Want to Know

I was reading Grit by Angela Duckworth who talks about people who succeed and how they have grit. In her book she shows what she calls is the grit test. It is a series of questions that can tell whether you have grit or not. Now it’s true you have to answer the questions honestly to get an accurate score. But if you really want to know you probably will answer them honestly. Without hesitation I skipped the test. I didn’t even want to know what the questions were. I was afraid of the grit test. Why was I afraid of a simple little test? I didn’t want to think about it at the time. I just wanted to read as fast as I could and get as many pages away from the test as I could. Now I have had time to reflect. I didn’t want to take the test because I was not confident that I had the grit to follow my dreams. I didn’t want it spelled out for me.Then I might not follow through. You see in the past I have had what I thought were dreams that didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t want this dream to be another failure. Now my wife, she has a lot of grit. She works a lot. She pursued her dream and has earned a job that she is very happy with. It’s hard work but she loves it. She will go in at all hours of the night to solve problems that arise. She is an inspiration to me. So why shouldn’t I have grit? Well according to the book grit can be learned. I feel that this is my saving grace. If it can be learned then I’ll learn it right now as I pursue my dream. I have no choice. I’ve publicly said to the world and people I know that I want to become a motivational speaker. There are people who are now holding me accountable. Most of all my wife is holding me accountable. She has seen me chase butterflies before and knows how difficult it is for me. Don’t get me wrong, she is my biggest supporter. I just know that deep in the back of my mind is doubt. So why was I afraid to take the test. I didn’t want to allow that seed of doubt to grow. Does this make me a chicken? I won’t go that far, since I don’t believe in putting myself down. I know that I have to believe in myself even when I get knocked down. I just have to get back up again, brush myself off, learn from my mistakes, and keep on trying.