Sometimes You Don't Want to Know

I was reading Grit by Angela Duckworth who talks about people who succeed and how they have grit. In her book she shows what she calls is the grit test. It is a series of questions that can tell whether you have grit or not. Now it’s true you have to answer the questions honestly to get an accurate score. But if you really want to know you probably will answer them honestly. Without hesitation I skipped the test. I didn’t even want to know what the questions were. I was afraid of the grit test. Why was I afraid of a simple little test? I didn’t want to think about it at the time. I just wanted to read as fast as I could and get as many pages away from the test as I could. Now I have had time to reflect. I didn’t want to take the test because I was not confident that I had the grit to follow my dreams. I didn’t want it spelled out for me.Then I might not follow through. You see in the past I have had what I thought were dreams that didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t want this dream to be another failure. Now my wife, she has a lot of grit. She works a lot. She pursued her dream and has earned a job that she is very happy with. It’s hard work but she loves it. She will go in at all hours of the night to solve problems that arise. She is an inspiration to me. So why shouldn’t I have grit? Well according to the book grit can be learned. I feel that this is my saving grace. If it can be learned then I’ll learn it right now as I pursue my dream. I have no choice. I’ve publicly said to the world and people I know that I want to become a motivational speaker. There are people who are now holding me accountable. Most of all my wife is holding me accountable. She has seen me chase butterflies before and knows how difficult it is for me. Don’t get me wrong, she is my biggest supporter. I just know that deep in the back of my mind is doubt. So why was I afraid to take the test. I didn’t want to allow that seed of doubt to grow. Does this make me a chicken? I won’t go that far, since I don’t believe in putting myself down. I know that I have to believe in myself even when I get knocked down. I just have to get back up again, brush myself off, learn from my mistakes, and keep on trying.