Is the Power of Attraction Wishy Washy?

I read a book called Creating Money - Keys to Abundance by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer. I thought it was full of wishy washy hogwash. However, it seems every book I read lately talks about the power of attraction. I decided to give the idea a chance, or at least discuss it. The concept is simple. You attract what you think about. Have you ever thought of someone and had them call you on the phone shortly after? Have you ever thought about buying a car and then seen it on the road a lot after that? These examples are not my examples, they come from the books. Well the belief is if you think about what you want enough it will come to you. This is because your thoughts are made of energy and attract like energies such as the energy of money. So you can make yourself magnetic to money! In some books they claim it’s God, the Universe, Source Energy, whatever you believe in. But as a scientist I can’t explain two of the events that have occurred in my life. One was when our bank account card was stolen and a large sum of money was withdrawn from our account. It was going to cause us to miss paying some bills. I got upset and went outside and tried thinking of how I was going to get the money to pay the bills. Well it turned out later that day in the mail came a check from an unlikely source. It was enough to cover the bills until the bank straightened out our account. Did I just pray? Did I send out money vibes to attract money? I don’t know but it sure was a big coincidence. Another time was just recently. We had been saving up a large sum of money to pay taxes. We also needed money to purchase something but we didn’t know where the money was going to come from exactly. I had been thinking about it for a very long time. Well it turns out a month before we wanted to purchase something our accountant said they made a mistake and that we didn’t owe the taxes. Not only that but the money we saved for the taxes happened to be the exact same amount of money needed to make the purchase! Again I ask you, is that the laws of attraction? Why do so many self help books talk about it? Should I try it some more? By the end of the book Creating Money - Keys to Abundance I wasn’t convinced yet, but I did enjoy the book.

Flexing the Creative Muscle

Did you know that as the older you get the more likely you will be less creative? There is actually a scientific reason for this. Your brian is trying to wire itself to make decisions as easy as possible. Therefore it creates pathways in your brian that forms habits to make you decisions without even having to think of them. You are basically wiring your brian to not think outside of the box. Creative people are creative because they flex that creative muscle in their brains. They have adapted to think outside of the box. They use different parts of their brian as well. Does this mean you will never be creative? The answer is no! You just need to work on being creative. Get the juices flowing again. Be that imaginative little kid you once was. Don’t coast through life making the default decisions. Change things up a bit. Go against the grain of your neural pathways that make decisions so easy. I know having habits are healthy and that some pathways you want to keep like doing push ups as soon as you get out of bed. Or brushing your teeth after a meal. But don’t worry, you won’t lose those habits or even hurt your decision making process by trying to be creative. It’s healthy for you to flex that creative muscle. It keeps you sharp and aware. So in conclusion, get out those crayons and colorful construction paper. Get that glitter glue and be creative.

Say Thank You, Have a Nice Day

I always, and I mean always, say thank you and have a nice day with a smile to people who have done something for me, such as a cashier, or a receptionist at the dentist. I believe having a positive attitude is contagious even to people you don’t know. It’s important to spread as much positivity as you possibly can. When I’m on the phone with someone who is trying to help me, I’m pleasant and calm. No matter what the outcome is of the phone call I make sure the person on the other end knows that I have appreciated them. Now I’m not trying to brag, I’m just trying to lead by example. I have noticed my son doing it as well. I’m very proud of him for that. Why is this so important to me? Being positive even in the face of negativity is what will make you succeed in life. I just read the book The Energy Bus by Jon Gorden, where he talks a lot about the power of being positive. It resonated with me so much that I had to share with you my outlook on being positive. When you are positive all the time the neural paths in your brain start to form making it easier to be more positive all the time. It weakens the pathways that lead to negative emotions. That’s why the more you are positive the easier it gets. There is a lot more to say about being positive, however I tend to have short posts. I’m sure I’ll talk about this subject in many more posts to come as I learn how to express myself more. So, live a positive life, it’s much better than the alternative.

Value Your Work

If you go into business for yourself such as writing, painting, being a motivational speaker, or anything for that matter, you need to value your work. Don’t undersell yourself and make yourself feel worth less than you are just to get a job. Now I’m not saying charge high prices on everything you do. But be mindful of the fact that you need to make a living too. When you sell yourself short you are for one thing demoralizing yourself. Another is that you might get a lot of clients for being so cheap, but you might not be able to handle the workload which will leave you to feel like you can’t do it. Finally customers will place less value on your services. I’ve said this before, you may have to sell your services cheap at first to gain experience. But as soon as you can sell your services for what you are worth, you do it. You will quickly gain the skills and experience you need to place a higher monetary value on yourself. Remember, practice makes perfect.

Negative Energy

A few weeks ago my wife told me I was a very negative person. I denied it, getting upset. So she asked my 17 year old son who agreed with her. I was floored! I thought I was a very positive person. I’m always encouraging others and giving positive advice. After a few weeks I started to notice some of the negative traits that I have. When I watch the show Shark Tank, I only talk about the ideas that won’t work and not the ones that will. I only tell people what I don’t like and not what I like. I had originally thought that the iPhone and iPad were dumb ideas (boy was I wrong). So I talked with my wife today about it. I admitted I was a negative person and that if I don’t change that I’ll never make it as a motivational speaker. That’s when she explained it to me, knowing that I was ready to listen. She said I had selective negativity. I was the most positive outgoing person with everyone outside of the family. But in my home life I let my guard down. I don’t treat my family the same way I treat my friends and strangers. I used to make my wife feel like I was positive but as the years went by I stopped. Then she explained it to me this way. I used to love the show Undercover Boss. But very quickly I soured to it. I thought it’s just another reality show. My biggest complaint was that the bosses would only help the people they met and rarely did anything to change their company. I was looking at it with a very negative attitude. My wife pointed out to me that I’m not seeing the positive. Yes the bosses only seem to be helping the people they meet but they are touching the lives of a few. Then those few would pay it forward and touch other’s lives. And so would the goodness spread. I never thought of it like this before. I have bipolar disorder, which is a chemical imbalance in my brain. There is no cure for it. I can be extremely happy at times and very depressed other times. Luckily, I’m on medication that keeps me level. It turns out that people with bipolar disorder are very pessimistic. Now I never hide the fact that I have bipolar disorder from anyone. However, I do think it explains why I’m so positive with people outside of my family. I am trying to overcompensate for my disorder. I don’t want people to think negatively of me due to it. So I realized I need to change my negative attitude at home to a very positive one or I’ll never make it as a motivational speaker. I need to walk the talk in every aspect of my life. It should come as natural to me as it does when I’m out in public. I’ll keep you all up to date on how good I’m doing.

Finding Joy

I have read The Book of Joy by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Douglas Abrams. It is one of my all time favorite books. Whenever someone needs a gift recommendation, this is my go to gift. It’s not a book on religion, it’s a book about how to bring joy to your life. The banter between the two old friends the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu is wonderful. They each bring their own unique take on what joy is and how to get it. I’ll break it down into one simple paragraph. This is from the book and not my interpretation. Joy is something that is different from happiness. Happiness can be brought to you by many different things such as getting a new car, going on vacation, etc. But joy is harder to obtain. However, if you want to bring joy into your life you simply need to do things for other people. That feeling of helping and doing things for people is pure joy. So that’s it in a nutshell. I don’t have anything more to add to that since it is perfect as it is.

The Difference Between Busy and Successful

I hate to say it, just because you are busy doesn’t mean you are successful. Yes lots of successful people are busy, but it doesn’t always go the other way around. You could be busy running around and spinning your tires to get some traction but you still won’t be successful. In order to truly be successful you need to master time. I know that during hockey season I get very busy as a coach for my son’s team. We are on the ice practicing two to three nights a week and at games both days of the weekend. My time seems to get away from me. However, I would say I’m far from successful during those times. I need to learn how to manage my time better to be successful. Now to continue how busy I think I am, I started tracking how much sleep I was getting. I was sleeping at least ten hours a night. I was not the average sleeper. I realized in order to get more time in my life I needed to get up two hours earlier. In both cases I was filling my life up with busy and (cough cough) sleeping. So I needed to figure out where I was going to get the time from to be successful. Well with the sleeping it wasn’t that hard, just shave two hours off my sleep. But what about hockey? I was driving an average round trip to the rink two hours per practice. It was probably an average of three hours for a game. I had to learn to make the most of my time. If I want to be a motivational speaker I have to find ways to learn about being motivated. During the morning hours that I gained I would read my self help/motivational books. During the long drives I would listen to podcasts on the same subject. During my workouts I would also listen to podcasts or ted talks on tv. I have to squeeze every valuable minute I can to get to where I want to go. If you are curious about where I get so many subjects to post on, it’s during those valuable times. I will read something or hear something that sparks an idea and I take a note on my phone. Then at night after work I sit down and write them out. So I’m working toward my goal to be successful while I’m busy. I just have to remember to celebrate my small successes along the way.

The Greater Inner Change

There is a concept I have read in several books and heard on several podcasts now that should be common sense if it’s in so many sources. It goes like this. The greater the outer change you want the greater the inner changes need to be made first. Wow! Let’s start off with an example rightway. The most common example should be weight loss. Your outer change is your appearance. However, you need a huge inner change to make it happen. You need to change your mindset to think like a healthy person. You need to prepare your mind to eat like a healthy person. You need to change your mind to exercise like a healthy person. Most important of all is you need to believe you are a healthy person. That example was so clear that I don’t think I need to say much more about it. So change your inner self to make changes to your outer self.

Charge for What You Love Doing

Look, we all want to do what we love for a business, but in order to do it you're going to have to charge some money. You should be getting paid what you are worth, and what you are worth should be enough to make a living at what you love to do. Now my mother-in-law loves to knit. She makes dozens of sweaters a year. Some people say she should make them and sell them, however she always says that no one would pay her for the time that it took to make one sweater. There is just no profit in it. However, what she doesn’t realize is that some money is better than no money. Also that the more people see her sweaters and ask to buy them the more she can charge for them because there is more of a demand. You have to start somewhere. As another example, I am just starting out in motivational speaking. Something I love to do. However, I’m just starting out so I need practice. I need to start out really small and do some gigs for free so that I can get experience. As I gain experience I can start charging more and more. So when first starting out with doing your own business that you love, make sure you get paid what you are worth. You deserve it.

How to Use the Word But

I have been told that when you use the word but, you negate everything you said previous to that statement. I love you, but I am not happy with this relationship. You are getting better, but you could work on your attitude. Notice that the only thing that sticks out in those sentences are the negative statements that come after the word but? Never fear, there is a proper way to use the word but. Reverse the positive and negative statements. I am not happy with this relationship, but I love you. You could work on your attitude, but you are getting better. It’s like the oreo theory. You start off with a positive statement, the cookie. Then a negative statement, the filling. Then end with another positive statement, another cookie. That way people will take the negative statements better when they are surrounded by two positive statements. I know it could be up for debate whether the cookie or the filling is positive as far as taste goes. However, you get the meaning. Now let’s take this a step further and talk about venting with the word but. You could say my day was good because of abc, but it was bad because of xyz. Why end it with the negative. That will be the last thing on your mind about how your day was. Change it around and make the last thing you remember about that statement be positive. Bad things happen, life isn’t perfect, but how you perceive and talk about life can change everything from negative to positive.

Don’t Work Harder, Work Happier

I’m here to tell you that it is easier to work at a job you are happy with than a job you are not. I don’t care what kind of job it is, if you love your work it beats dredging through the day where you don’t want to be. I’m going to go out on a limb and say when asked, “how was your day?” The people who say their day was hard are not happy with their jobs. The people who say their day was great love their jobs. That is why it is so important to find the kind of work that you love doing. It doesn’t really feel like a job when you do it. Don’t mistake being good and having pride at your job as loving your job. I know people who are good at their jobs and are miserable because it isn’t what they want to be doing. I was proud of my government job. However, I wasn’t happy at all! Because of that I thought my job was hard, but in reality how hard is doing paperwork all day? Well if you keep looking at the clock while working then it is hard. So if you think your job is hard, then take a deep look into yourself and figure out if you are happy with it.

You Don’t Need Permission

If you have a dream or goal in mind you need to not wait for permission from someone to do it. Now I’m not talking about leaping into another job without telling your partner, that is a recipe for disaster. What I am telling you is that you don’t need permission to chase your dreams. No one is going to say “On your mark, ready, set, GO!” for you. Other’s people’s opinions shouldn’t matter. It’s your dream, you're in charge. Now you can seek other’s advice, especially people who have pursued the same dream as yours. But for the most part those who don’t chase their own dreams will most likely tell you not to. Don’t let other people’s fears and doubts be reflected by you. Every person is unique, and has their own dreams. It’s really just a matter of who has the audacity to go after them.

Move Forward With Others

My boss told me the other day that as a team member, hopefully you move forward and move others forward with you. We were talking about mentorship and how to bring others up. How does that work, and what does it look like? You can either be a more senior person and just do all the work faster and better than the juniors, or you can help teach them to improve and someday become a senior person as well. We were talking about those kinds of people who know how and just do it without giving others the room to grow. Sometimes you have to take a step back from your job, look at the big picture, and be willing to let someone more junior than you try something you know you can do better. You need to let them “fail forward” (as the book of the same title says). Be willing to watch them make mistakes and help pick them up and brush them off to try again. Trust me, as a mentor you will be more rewarded helping someone else do something than doing it yourself. Also your boss will notice you being a mentor and will also help raise you up as well.

You Can’t Always Get What You Don’t Want

In the book Creating Money - Keys to Abundance by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer there was a sentence that said, “If you keep telling yourself you can’t have what you want, you won’t get it.” There is another quote by Charlie Sheen that says “Can’t is the cancer of happen.” These two quotes combined can teach us a lot about self motivation and getting what you want. There are countless stories of people who know what they want and they don’t stop until they get it. I was just told of a little girl who always wanted to be a figure skater on a cruise ship. This is one of the most unlikely jobs I have ever heard of. However, sure enough she grew up to be a figure skater on a cruise ship. If she had said she can’t get what she wants she would never have made it. The key to getting something is believing you can have it even though it seems far out of reach if not impossible. I’m here to tell you that if you don’t try then it is impossible. So remove the word “can’t” from your vocabulary and start doing something.

Don’t Grow Stale

It happens, you were hired for one job and eventually it turns into a different job than you were hired for. You went to college to learn and be passionate about something, but your job morphs into something that you didn’t go into college for. For example, you went to college to be a biologist, but a few years later you are a manager of other biologists. You still need the knowledge of a biologist to manage the people, but your skills grow stale. Eventually your team looks at you not as an equal in the field, but as a manager. This happened to me. I was a contractor doing computer science for the Air Force. I was happy programming away and making stuff work. The government was so impressed with me that they hired me as a federal employee. At first I was able to continue my research and program, but eventually they morphed me into a manager. I was managing contracts with people much more in tune with what needed to be done than I. Eventually I grew stale and had no way to get back into programming. I was no longer happy. Unfortunately I went from being what some would call a senior programmer to a junior one because I had lost touch with my skills. I basically would have to relearn a lot of things over again. I was afraid I would be stuck in a management position for the rest of my life cutting through red tape. Then an opportunity came to me. I was told about a job with a big private company, and the whole company worked remotely. If I were to land the job I wouldn’t have to move. I talked it over with my wife who was nervous. I was trying to leave my nice comfortable government job for industry. We decided to go for it. I was hired! Not only that it was a highly technical position and the position paid a lot more than my old job. After almost a year I’m still deep in the technical weeds and so happy I made the jump. So the point is, sometimes you need to take big risks outside your comfort zone to get back to the roots of what you wanted to do in the first place. As happy as I am with my job, I am again jumping outside of my comfort zone to be a motivational speaker on the side. I strive to accomplish more in my life than just work.

Don’t Stop With Just One Goal

The most successful people often succeed many times over in multiple businesses. It is true that they have failed as well and learned from their mistakes but that is a post for another time. I’m talking about people like Elon Musk who are not happy with being a tech guru, but starting company after company to push the boundaries like Tesla and Space X. He is succeeding in two entirely different fields. Why do successful people take so many risks with so many business opportunities. It’s because they enjoy the pursuit of the challenge more than the goal itself. Think of it this way, you work hard to make your donut shop the best in town. Once you have succeeded you just start to coast. You become bored because there is nothing more for you to achieve. So you decide to start a flower shop as well because it’s entirely outside of your knowledge area, but hey, you like flowers. There is a thing called the Peter Principle which is that people in a hierarchy tend to rise to "a level of respective incompetence”. For example I am great at being on the assembly line at putting together widgets. I get promoted to team lead and teach others how to assemble widgets. Eventually they say I am awesome and that I would make a great manager. However, I have no managerial experience so I don’t do so well at it. So that’s as far as I will be promoted. I have reached my level of incompetence. There I sit in a job I stink at and the people under me suffer. Well successful people scoff at that idea. They reach the pinnacle of what they want to do and then start again with a new project. They take their lessons they learned from their previous business venture and tweek them and apply them to their next one in hopes of doing a better job. So don’t be like Peter, be like Elon Musk.

Reaching is Better Than Succeeding

There is research out there that says we are happiest when we reach our goals 80% of the time. If we didn’t have failure once in a while we wouldn’t be happy with all of our successes. There needs to be a level of difficulty that is the just right amount for us to enjoy reaching for success. The video game industry has learned this over time. They used to make video games that would go on forever. Your only goal was to wrack up as high a score as possible. Then came along the concept of having an ending to a game. That there was a sense of accomplishment. However, there was no fun in the game if it was too easy. Super Mario Brothers is an example of that. Once you memorized the patterns and knew the shortcuts the game became beatable. So eventually games started adding in settings that let you adjust the game from easy, medium to hard. That way you could set the game to the level of your skills. As you got better you would progress from easy to hard and enjoy the game three times over. The same can be said for life. You want to have a job in which you are successful most of the time but are allowed to fail and learn from your mistakes. You may have a goal to be a stock broker. You enjoy the risks and rewards of the job. However, you can’t always win every time, just most of the time. You are excited about the challenge that it gives you. As long as you win more than you lose by a significant margin you’ll be good at your job. So when setting goals don’t always set them to be easy. Set some that make you reach outside of your comfort zone. If you don’t succeed, try and try again.

A Little About Luck

Roman philosopher Seneca once said, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” This is best explained by an analogy. You want to land a great real estate deal but you don’t know anything about real estate. You just know there is money to be made. If you sit back and wait for that lucky deal to come along it won’t. You need to be prepared for it. So you go to meetings of your local real estate organization and listen and learn about how the business works. You do the research and find out what goes into making a good deal. Finally at one of these meetings someone says they have an opportunity for you to get in on a good real estate deal. This is where preparation meets luck. Many people think that those who are successful are just lucky. I know my father-in-law seemed to have opportunity after opportunity land in his lap. However, the key to successful people is that they are prepared when the opportunity comes knocking. They can act upon what they see as a good business deal. They have done their research, acquired the skills, and prepared for the moment when a deal comes their way. In conclusion if you want to get lucky you have to make it happen. Put in the work so that when opportunity comes you are ready.

You Shouldn’t Ruin Happiness for Fairness

Today I heard a great analogy about happiness and what’s fair. It goes like this. You see an ice cream truck and it says free ice cream. You go up and the person gives you two big scoops of your favorite ice cream. You sit down and happily eat your ice cream. Then you notice that the next person who comes up gets three scoops of ice cream. Now you feel cheated and it wasn’t fair. You forget about how happy you were with two scoops and want what the other person has. It just doesn’t seem fair. The lesson of the story is you shouldn’t ruin happiness for fairness. Be happy with what you have and don’t be upset by what someone else has. Count your blessings. Be happy with the fortunes that come your way.

Live Your Life By Design

A coworker explained to me that there are a lot of people living by default. They go through the motions of life just content with what they have. Many people have dreams but do not pursue them. He explained that we need to live our life by design. What he means is that we need to design our lives toward our goals. We need to pursue these goals with a purpose. We have to plan, and follow through with the plan to get to where we want to go. There is another aspect of living by design as well. You cannot chase the shiny new things that life throws at you. For example if your goal is to become a writer, then you live your life to become a writer. You plan your life around it. But all of a sudden you are infatuated with a new hobby. Well does that hobby get you to your end goal of being a writer? If it doesn’t fit into the plan don’t waste your time with it, and focus on your writing. Living your life by design helps keep you focused on what is important to you. It allows you to keep on track and reach your goals. So plan your life out and make sure they revolve around your dreams. Don’t live your life by default.

Our Beliefs Are Our Reality

It’s been said many times that you need to believe in yourself. The reason is that our beliefs shape our reality. If we believe we are not able to make that basketball go through that tiny hoop, then we will not do it. Athletes work hard on mentally preparing themselves to believe that they can do what they need to do. Believing in yourself is when the magic happens. I know it sounds wishy washy but believing in yourself will start to cause things to happen that you want. I don’t know if it’s the Universe providing as some books I’ve read have said, or just a coincidence but I’ve seen it first hand. See the post on The Legend of Ronnie P. Mustard. Believing I was a good golfer did improve my golf game. If you believe that you will lose weight, or get more money, or get that relationship you want it will happen. Because you believe it you will make it happen. There is a lot to be said about the power of belief. Countless people have applied it in their lives to great success. So why shouldn’t you? I believe I will be a great motivational speaker. It will happen because I believe in myself enough to make it happen. My posts may not be the best now, but I believe that they will become great with practice. So if you want to see if the power of belief works, keep reading my posts. LOL!

Love the Journey

There is a quote from Creating Money - Keys to Abundance by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer that says “Love getting there as much as being there”. This is also backed up by what James Clear said in Atomic Habits. The concept is that if you love the journey of getting something you want as much as getting it you will get more satisfaction. There is scientific proof that dopamine, the chemical that gives you pleasure, is released when you anticipate getting something as much as when you get it. This should be an indicator that you should enjoy the pursuit of your goals. However, sometimes getting to that goal is hard. Remember it’s the anticipation not the work that releases the dopamine. So with the understanding that getting to our goals can be hard we should learn to enjoy the journey to our goals. It really can be fun! Let’s say that you are trying to lose weight. There may be a lot of exercise involved which is really hard. However, with time we start to enjoy working out because it feels good. Our bodies start to respond, our heart rate gets better, our pace starts to increase, and we see a change in our shape. In the book Atomic Habits, James Clear asked a professional coach what the secret is to becoming an athlete. He said that athletes have the ability to overcome the boredom of training. We have all been there. The boredom of doing the same thing over and over again such as the stationary bike. This too is another area where we need to love the journey. If you are on a diet you need to overcome the boredom of eating the same healthy foods over and over again. You need to know how to shake things up a bit. Whether it be listening to podcasts, or looking for new recipes. We need to overcome that boredom. Finally when we start to love the journey we develop positive habits that get us to our goal. If you don’t like the journey you will not want to do it. It will never become a good habit. We have to remember that the end goal is not the end of our journey. It is just the beginning of the use of our new habits.

Getting Comfortable With Money

Do you feel like you want more money but are uncomfortable with the thought of how people will treat you if you had it? Do you feel like those with money are snobs? Do you feel like people with money look down upon you for not having it as if there was something wrong with you? Well I’m here to tell you that it is ok to want more money. We all could use more money. However, we need to stop and become comfortable with the fact that you want or need more money. You are not being greedy! You are just trying to be secure in your life financially. How did your parents treat money? Did they have a lot of it? Did they spend it unwisely? Did they provide a comfortable life for you? We often learn our attitudes toward money from our parents. This is not my idea, this comes from multiple sources that I have read. I’m just expanding upon it. If your parents didn’t have money and they constantly said in a sarcastic voice, “Must be nice to have a pool.” Or something along those lines, you will start to think that having a pool means you are rich and that you shouldn’t have one. I used to feel the same way, especially when I got a pool. It took me a long time to get over the fact that I worked hard to get an education and a job that allowed me to get a pool. It’s not like I am greedy and never invite my friends and family over to swim. I share what I have. It’s not flaunting your money or bragging about what you have to simply enjoy your pool with those who don’t have one. The point I’m making is that everyone deserves to have money. As long as you are getting it honestly you should be proud that you have it. You don’t have to keep it all to yourself either. You could donate to charity, or help out your family. Money can give you the ability to do good with your life and with the lives of others. It allows you to spend time with your family doing the things you want and help raise your family comfortably. You just need to see all the positive things that money can do for you and break the cycle of thinking you don’t deserve it. You deserve every penny you earn even if it does add up to a lot of pennies. Money doesn’t necessarily have to change you or your values. So don’t think of money as a negative thing in your life and see the positive.

Forgive Yourself

A key aspect to being a more positive person is to forgive yourself of all the things you regret. You may regret eating that cheesecake last night, or for spending money you didn’t have on something you wanted. You have to remember it’s over and done with. You need to move on and give yourself a little slack. Negative feelings about yourself are derived from the fact that you have not forgiving yourself or who you are. You are only human and humans make mistakes all the time. I know it's common to hear this, but it’s true that we learn from our mistakes. Our mistakes help make us who we are. Are you going to hate who you are? You shouldn’t. Therefore you should forgive yourself for those mistakes that helped shape you. Another important thing is that it’s harder to forgive others when you won’t forgive yourself. You need to be able to let things go. Once you forgive yourself you feel better, and you won’t let others keep you down either. You will stop ruminating on your regrets as well as on what people have done to you. You will live a much more peaceful life, and be happier.

You are Successful

We all need to allow ourselves to be successful. Often enough we do not look at the successes we have accomplished so far and take the time to appreciate them. Successes don’t have to be things such as money or power. Success could be as simple as breaking a bad habit. We are all successful in our own way. We set small goals for ourselves and when we reach them we can say we have succeeded, even if it was just a small goal. Take time to be proud of yourself. It’s many tiny successes that add up to a big success. By allowing yourself to believe that you are successful you are setting yourself up to accept that you deserve to be successful. For some of us we self sabotage our goals because we don’t feel like we could succeed in them. But by repeatedly telling yourself that you are successful in what you do you are overriding that urge to self sabotage. It’s a way of changing how you feel about yourself. It’s positive reinforcement to your self image. For example you did work out today! You did read this post! You did write a little! And many more little things to feel successful about. In conclusion, if you celebrate your past successes you will become the successful person that I know you are.

Sharing Books

I know that sharing books doesn’t seem like a good motivational topic but it is. My wife had read The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon a while back and shared it with a coworker. She explained how great she felt when she found out that the coworker loved it. She felt like she had shared some knowledge that would help that person’s life. I had the same experience with the WW (formerly weight watchers) social media Connect. I was reviewing different motivational books and recommending them. I felt great when I got a comment from someone saying they ordered the book. I knew that the book would help change their lives for the better. In a previous post I had mentioned how by getting help from a group you are going to benefit from the group's thinking. This too applies to sharing books. A group of people are far more capable of reading different books and sharing the best ones among each other. It’s the process of elimination. So I highly recommend that you read and share books. Also be open to the books that are shared with you. The person recommending them is doing it for a reason. They think that it will bring you some pleasure to your life.

Your Decisions Are Formed By Your Habits

You are the accumulation of all the decisions you have made in your life. From your choices in food, to how you spend your money, and even what time you go to bed at night. Every decision shapes you. That being said, often your decisions become automatic which are formed from habits. For example, it is my decision to go to bed around 10pm every night. However, this is based on a habit that I have formed. I don’t even have to think about it. 10pm comes around and I go to bed automatically. Another example is how I manage my money. It used to be my decision to buy junk food from my favorite gas station every time I went there. Well this too was a decision that formed based on my habit. It too also became automatic. When you think about it, you will find that all of your automatic decisions are based on some habit. That’s how our brains work. They try to form habits so that we don’t have to spend too much time thinking about our choices. So why is this important? It’s important because sometimes we need to make different decisions. We need to break the habits. For example, when we stress eat, it has become a habit. We need to consciously decide not to follow habits and find something else to do when we are stressed. It is important that we recognize when our decisions to do something are a habit or not. We need to know if the habit is healthy or bad. In order to change we need to break bad habits and make the right decisions.

Integrity

I was once told that “integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking.” That really hits home for me. But how can I apply it to following my dreams? Well, let’s look at my weight loss journey. Yes I am being held accountable with my wife and with the WW (formerly weight watchers) groups. But my integrity comes into play when it comes to tracking all the food I eat and not cheating. My integrity shows when I work out even when no one is there to see me. Integrity is a very important trait to have in life. If you have integrity you are showing your character can be trusted. With integrity you are showing to yourself that you are a person of your word. You are building confidence in your character. That confidence will go a long way when it comes to your daily life. You will feel confident that you will lose weight because you have the integrity to do what is right for your body. You will feel confident working from home because you know that you have the integrity to get the work done instead of watching soap operas. Integrity can be the building blocks toward helping your confidence. So in conclusion we need integrity to make ourselves feel better about ourselves more so than to gain the trust of others. If we feel good about ourselves then our confidence shows and the trust from others will follow.

Keep Doing It

This post is more about me with a hint of motivation for you. If you want to succeed at your dreams you need to keep doing it, even when no one is looking. For example, I want to be a motivational speaker. I know that part of the process is writing this blog. The more posts on motivation I write the easier it will be to come up with topics to talk about. I also will become better at writing for that book deal I’d eventually want to get, LOL! So I chip away at that stone and continually improve my talents. Even if no one is reading my blog I need to continue to write for it. I will not magically get that speaking engagement, or that book deal unless I practice practice practice. This also includes working on my public speaking. This will come in the form of videos and podcasts. So how can this advice help you? As an example, if you dream of getting a new job, you need to continually write those customized cover letters for your resume and send them out. What I mean by a custom cover letter is that for each company you need to write a cover letter that caters to the company you want. Explain why you want to work for that company and what you can bring to the table for that company. They may never look at your resume or cover letter, but with each one you write you’ll become better at it. Eventually someone will read it and hire you for your dream job. So keep doing it! I know I will be and I will eventually reach my dreams. Good luck in whatever you want to keep doing!

Constructive v.s. Destructive Criticism

We have all been there. We have been criticized to the point of tears. We feel hurt, angry, embarrassed, and demoralized. This is where you need to recognize constructive v.s. destructive criticism. It is a fine line, even an artform to recognize between the two. To begin with, we need to not get worked up over either types of criticism. If you get worked up about it, you will not be able to rationalize it. You will not be able to think it through and see the positive in it. I’m not saying that you should accept destructive criticism. But recognize what parts of it you can grow on. Destructive criticism may be something like, “Honey your cooking is making the family fat.” Ouch, is your spouse calling you fat? How dare your spouse say your kids are fat! Destructive criticism often is not followed up with a potential solution to the problem. I’m not saying that this is the best way for your spouse to express such a concern. As destructive as this is, you still need to learn how to process it and understand where it’s coming from. You need to break it down into meaningful parts without getting upset. Try to take the word “your” out of it so that it seems like it is not attacking you. Try replacing harmful words like “fat” with “unhealthy”. Is your spouse right? Does the family look like they need a bigger size of clothes? If so your spouse may have a point, despite how poorly they came across. Now another form of the same criticism could be, “Honey, I think the family is getting unhealthy. Maybe we should look into a diet change.” That’s much better. That’s constructive criticism. It’s not attacking your cooking and it’s coming up with a potential solution to the problem. It still means the same thing, but it doesn’t hurt anyone's feelings. In the end destructive criticisms hurt us. But they will never go away. You just need the emotional intelligence to break it down and find the actual point of it. Constructive criticism needs to be recognized for what it is and accepted. Finally if you experience destructive criticism, calmly tell the person who said it how it hurt your feelings and that maybe it should have been worded in another way. Words matter.

Rent Free

This isn’t about money, LOL! This is about letting other people live rent free in your head. If someone slights you and you continually think about it you are letting that person live rent free in your head. You are giving that person the power to control your thoughts. Think about it this way. Do you think that person is thinking about you? Probably not. They might not even know they upset you if you didn’t express to them that they had. I heard a statistic once that said 85% of people let other people affect their mood. That’s huge! When you constantly think about the person who upset you, you are living in the past. You are also not forgiving the person. I’m not saying forgive and then be buddies. I’m saying forgive for your own emotional well being. When you forgive you are letting go of those hard feelings that are keeping you down. When you are focused on someone that upset you, you are taking away from your happy thoughts. You are taking away from the feelings of love that you can have toward your family. Most importantly you are taking away from loving yourself.

Follow Your Gut

Your gut instincts are nature’s way of guiding you through many decisions in life. However, you need to learn how to know when you are having a gut instinct. For example, anxiety is not a gut instinct. It may make you have a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach but it is not a productive instinct. Your gut instincts tell you when something feels right or feels wrong. If you get the sense that buying that 3rd TV for a bedroom you don’t use is wrong then that’s a gut instinct. Chances are you will never use that TV. Your gut is telling you not to waste the money. However, if you get the feeling that you should have a mammogram just to be sure. Go with your gut! I have heard of several women who went in for a mammogram just because they know someone else who recently had breast cancer and discovered they had it themselves. Your gut instincts do not make you psychic! They are simply feelings you get when you have to make a decision to do something and help you pick the right choice.

Changing Your Mindset

If you want to change something about you, like your weight or your career, you first have to change your mindset. It is not just enough to go through the motions of change. If you do you might quickly find yourself reverting back to your old ways. You need to have a change of the way you think. For example, when trying to lose weight you don’t say to yourself, “I want to be healthy”. Wanting is just a wish, a hope, a desire. What you truly need to do is change how you think about losing weight. You need to say things like “I am a healthy person”. By affirming that you are a healthy person you will make healthy choices. Another example is exercise. You may “want” to run a 5k marathon, but there it is again, the word want. You need to change your mindset to I “will” run a marathon. You have to tell yourself, “I am an athlete!” You are what you want to be. When Tony Hawk, the greatest skateboarder in history, entered a skate contest as a young boy, he saw the entry form which had check boxes. One said “amature” and the other said “professional”. He checked off professional and from that point on he was a pro skateboarder. It was simply a mental decision on his part. So what are you going to do? Check off amature or professional?

Don’t Go it Alone

This is a simple concept yet hard to do at times. Whenever possible don’t go on your journey alone. You might not always be able to have someone to go on your journey with you but if at all possible try. If you are really lucky, find a group with common interests that can help you. There are multiple reasons why you want to do this with someone else. The most important of them all is accountability. When you are held accountable for what you want to do, you are less likely to give up. Some ways you can be held accountable is simply putting a monetary value on it. If you don’t follow through with actions you will have to give money to a charity or to the person you are being held accountable. The next reason for not doing it alone is that more heads are better than one. You can learn from each other’s experiences. Or you can hear what the other has to say about a book on the subject you are working towards. Share podcasts, videos, or just stories. The two or more of you can have a collective brainstorm on the best ways to approach your journey. As a great example of not going it alone, if you are trying to lose weight join a weight loss group. Or try to get your spouse into it. There is no better way to get support than when your spouse's goals are aligned with your own. Finally you can thrive off of each other’s success. When one person succeeds you all succeed. It will help keep you motivated to keep going. If you have ever watched American Ninja Warrior you will truly see a competition where the contestants support and encourage each other to succeed. That’s how your support system is supposed to be.

Stand on the Shoulders of Giants

I was listening to the podcast Rethink Motivation by Thatcher Jensen and he was interviewing Bob Burg the author of The Go-Giver. Burg said something that was so simple and yet so powerful. He said that if you want to do something it’s already been done before so go learn from the people who have done it. This is so true! If you want to lose weight go learn from those who have done it! If you want to start a business go read books and listen to the people who also have done it! It’s that simple. I come from a research background in computer science. I can tell you that none of the research I did was ever from my own original ideas. It was always expanding on the ideas of others. Mathematicians all base their work on those who came before them. The athletes of today are getting better and better because they are learning from the athletes that came before them. It’s a simple concept yet so powerful! I have been doing it all along without even knowing it. I have been reading self help books from authors who have done it already and became a great success! I’m standing on the shoulders of giants. Even this post is based on advice that I heard from someone else. So in conclusion when striving to be better at something. When chasing that dream. Go get some books on the subject and learn what you can. Listen to interviews of people who have already done it. Learn to stand on the shoulders of giants.

Finding Inspiring People

This is not my idea, I’ve seen it from various sources. One of the keys to success is to surround yourself with inspiring people. To become friends with them and try to see what makes them so inspiring. The same goes for success, find people who have success. It can be argued that people who are successful are inspiring. So for the most part we will consider them one in the same. Inspiring people will raise you up, and not keep you down. They are people who are happy to share their wisdom. Imagine if you were inspiring yourself, how flattered you would be if someone came to you and asked you what makes you so successful. Now, I’m not talking about just bumping into them at social gatherings. I’m talking about going outside your comfort zone and becoming friends with them. Exchange phone numbers and ask if you can call them for advice. If you are aspiring to do something then you will need all the coaching you can get. I want to caution you. You are not there to use the person. They are not a stepping stone to your success. They are there to guide you. To help you. They are there to help shape you into the successful person you want to be. I assure you that if you become successful with their help and guidance they will feel like they have accomplished something. It’s a mutual symbiotic relationship. All professional athletes need coaches. So why can’t you have a coach to succeed? If you don’t feel comfortable befriending an inspiring person then hire a life coach to inspire you. A life coach is someone whose job it is to help get you to where you want to go. Many of you if you had the money would hire a physical trainer to get you back in shape. Why not hire a life coach to get your mind back in shape and on the right path? In conclusion you should surround yourself with the people you want to be like. Trust me they will rub off on you.

My Son’s Confidence

I know this is another golf story, however golf is a mental game more than physical and is a great way to demonstrate positivity and confidence. My son started playing golf about a year ago and didn’t seem to take it too seriously. He played “Best Ball” with his partner all the time so that they could get their score down. Best ball is when you and your partner both hit the ball and then you both play from the spot where the best ball landed. It allows you to enjoy the game and as a team keep your score down. Well my son wanted to play on the golf team for high school this year. He still didn’t take it seriously because he knew that he hadn’t much experience. He just knew that it was free golf. However, when you play for the team you have to play your own ball and keep your actual score. He had played like this a couple times before and his best game so far was a 55 for 9 holes. It wasn’t the best but it was tied for my best score, which isn’t saying much, LOL! He is on a team of 20 and they try out over 5 days. The top 6 play in matches against other schools. On the first day my son scored 45, a full 10 points less than his best score! This is a significant drop. He was so excited because he was 6th at the time. Over the remaining tryouts he consistently scored around a 45. He ended up 7th overall, but don’t worry he can challenge the 6th place player for his spot anytime he wants. The point is that when he had to play when it really counts he stepped it up. Then once he proved to himself that he could score better than he usually does he became consistently better. His confidence went through the roof! There is a lot to be said about confidence when it comes to golf. However, that same confidence can be applied to anything in life. You just have to have it! The term fake it until you make it is about having confidence. Knowing that you will be able to make it. So find something you want to be good at and be confident that you will be good at it.

The Power of Now

There are several aspects of the power of now that I would like to talk about. There is a quote that has been modified from Lao Tzu that goes something like this, “If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." The part about living in the past was added on later I believe. However, this modified quote is very true. Because this quote is very self explanatory I won’t go in deep on anxiety or depression. Both of which I am not an expert in. I’ll leave those discussions to the professionals. However I can attest to the power of now. There is another application to the power of now that I would like to discuss which is getting back on your diet. Many of us have gone off the wagon with our diet and say things like, “I’ll start again tomorrow” or “I’ll start again on Monday”. As if Monday were a special diet holiday! However, the quote applies here as well. If you want to stop having regrets, or worrying about what the scale will say then always get back on the wagon now. Don’t think, “I’ve blown my diet, I might as well eat what I want for the day.” No! The diet starts right now! I traveled over the weekend and couldn’t make healthy eating choices or work out. I knew my diet had been blown, but as soon as I got back home on Sunday the diet started right then and there. I didn’t wait until the next day. Monday was my weigh in day and I didn’t even flinch when I saw that I gained .4 lbs. I was still happy with my overall week. I know that some of the weight I gained back may be due to water weight. I also know that I’ll start losing now because I got right back on my weight loss journey. I take my dedication to getting back on the diet right away as my non scale victory! So in conclusion, for my inner peace I started dealing with my diet in the now and not let my regrets overcome me. I would recommend to anyone who has gone off the wagon to not wallow in the past, but to forget about it and deal with it now.

How to Learn From a Mathematician

Richard Hamming was a mathematician who went on to do research that helped shape computer science. He gave a lecture called “You and Your Research” that I have read over and over again for inspiration. It helped shape my research and my working habits for the rest of my life. I won’t go over all of the lecture for you but I will highlight my two favorite points. One, he said don’t work with your office door closed. People may distract you and take up your time, but you are leaving yourself open to new ideas and doing work that matters. The person who works with their door closed may be getting a lot of work done, but without input from other people to bounce ideas off of that person may be working on something that doesn’t matter. Second, he explains that during lunch he never sat with his closest co-workers who were all working on the same problems as he was. He expanded his mind by sitting with people he didn’t know. He asked questions about their research and what were the challenging problems in their fields. By doing so he could potentially lend his expertise to the problem while learning something himself along the way. I work from home, so you might be wondering how I work with my door open? I do it via zoom. I have co-workers with whom I zoom with all day long. We might be working on our own projects and not even talking but when we need to we do. We bounce ideas off of one another and get interested in what the other person is doing. It may seem silly to have a day long zoom meeting going, but we are working with our doors open. Now, I have to admit lunch is a different story, LOL! Now let’s bring this back to a practical real life example where you might not be doing any research at all. What about your weight loss journey? Are you doing it with your door open or closed? Are you talking to other people who are on the same journey as you? Have you joined a group that will be able to talk to you about their journey? The answer should be yes you are. You would be working on your journey with the door open. So in conclusion, be a social butterfly and try to expand your mind by talking to people outside of your bubble.

Taking the Shot

Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. This rings so true to me! When it comes to writing this blog, or posting videos, or becoming a motivational speaker, I’m going to take the shot. I may miss a couple of times but with practice I will make some. No matter what you do in life, take the shot. You don’t know if you’ll ever be physically fit unless you start working out. You won’t know if you can create beautiful art if you don’t pick up that pen or paint brush. Most importantly you won’t know what makes you happy if you don’t give it your all. For example you can get the job you want, you just need to keep applying. If you have to keep tweeking that resume until it’s perfect then so be it. If you go into interview after interview you’ll eventually nail one. Whether you realize it or not you are practicing to get the job of your dreams. All that resume writing and interview taking just improves those skills. You’ll never know until you keep taking those shots. Most importantly don’t give up when you miss! Don’t let the crowd of the game influence you with either cheers or boos. You are doing something that most of them are not. You are taking your shot at happiness.

When the Scale Lies to You

We have all been there. A week of eating perfectly and exercising every day. But the scale either doesn’t budge or goes up a little bit. It can be so demoralizing. It can make you want to quit. You will need to change your mindset to keep going and feeling good about yourself. I’ve said this many times. I treat the scale like I treat my son’s hockey games. Whether we win or lose by a point or just tie, it was still a great game. If the scale goes up a pound here or you just maintain your current weight, doesn’t negate that you have had a great week. There are what we call Non Scale Victories (NSV’s). That’s when you claim victory for something that has nothing to do with the scale. Whether it be taking 10,000 steps a day, every day of the week. Or losing a notch in your belt. These victories help validate all of our hard work. We have to remember that there are a lot more goals than just reaching a certain weight. In fact setting your only goal to make a certain weight can be detrimental at times. For example What will you do after you make your goal weight? What would your goals look like then? You could set a new goal of running 5k marathons or even longer ones. Getting to a certain weight is not the end all be all of your journey. Looking at it another way, you should also set small attainable goals to get you through the tough times. Like tracking what food you eat for an entire month. Drinking enough water every day. Or just being excited about losing in 5 lb increments. Whatever it takes. So, to sum it all up, don’t let that scale beat you!

Just Do It!

There is something to be said for that old Nike motto “Just do it,” that resonates with me. I am not the person who came up with the following idea, I’m just paraphrasing it from multiple authors. They all say the same thing. Don’t wait until everything is perfect, just start doing it and perfection will come. There is an old saying that goes like this. “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.” The reason why people become perfect at something is because they practice it over and over again. It has been said that you need to do something 10,000 hours to master it. However, everyone starts out not doing so hot at first. For example, I might not be the best motivational speaker or writer at first, but I’m going to keep doing it until I become a master. I am not afraid to fail or look bad along the way. I’m not waiting for every post to be perfect. I’m going to throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. Everyone should stop planning to do what they want and just do it. You’ll eventually start to look like you know what you are doing.

Be Responsible For You

There is a quote in Jen Sincero’s book “You are a Badass” that says, “You are responsible for the things you do. You are not responsible for whether or not people freak out about it.” Basically I take this to mean don’t worry about what other people think. Sometimes we often do things where we worry about what other people think. For example, what outfit should I wear. Or worse yet, what people will think if you eat dessert! You are only responsible for what you do and you should do what makes you happy. What makes you happy might not be what makes other people happy. Does that matter? Not one bit. Sometimes we reach for something better in our lives and we worry about what other people will think. You may take the leap and become an artist, or a writer, or a motivational speaker. Is it their happiness you are worried about or your own? If you are going to be responsible for what you do then grasp it with both hands and own it. Don’t second guess yourself. Just commit and do what makes you happy. Embrace it and do it with a passion. Let it fuel you with energy and make something of it. Just remember there will be people who will think you're crazy. There are people who will be naysayers and tell you that there is no money in it. Believe me if you work hard enough at what you love, there is a good chance you can make money from it. In conclusion you will do things that will make other people uncomfortable. There will be things you do that will make you uncomfortable. That discomfort you feel is just

The Legend of Ronny P. Mustard

One time a long while ago I was in Florida with some co-workers. We ate at a bar that had walls covered in dollar bills stapled to them. For some reason I started joking around that I had an alter ego named Ronny P. Mustard motivational speaker. Oh the irony, LOL! Anyway I came up with a bunch of sayings that were to motivate people. One was “It doesn’t matter whether the glass is full empty or half empty, it’s what’s inside that counts.” I don’t know if I made that up or heard it somewhere but it sounded cool. So for the rest of the night my co-workers called me Ronny P. Mustard. I even signed a dollar bill with that name and stapled it to the wall. The next day we went golfing. Now I am not a great golfer. But that day the Ronny P. Mustard motivational speaker was still getting laughs. So I kept saying that Ronny plays golf with a positive attitude and believes he can do it. To my surprise I had the best 9 holes of my life! I was 15 under my best score ever to that point. The only thing I can attribute it to was Ronny’s attitude toward golf and being positive. I haven’t played a round of golf in many years but I am curious as to how well old Ronny would do if he made a comeback. I know that if Rob Grant ever played golf again I would take all that I have learned through the power of positive thinking and apply it to my game. If anything Ronny gave me a new insight to life and how things can go your way if you just think positively. I’m taking that approach to my quest to become a real motivational speaker. I believe that if I read enough books and write enough on the subject, that someday I will stand before an audience or write that book.

A New Journey!

Since this is my first post to my blog I thought I might talk about my journey to get here and where I want to go. I can’t tell you how many years ago I did this but I started blogging. I didn’t have any direction or theme to my blog and it never really took off. Even my email address has the word blog in it. As years went by I would occasionally post on my blog, but nothing I was really happy with. In June of 2021 I finally registered the domain name for my blog. However, I still didn’t do anything with it. I procrastinated for months. It has now been 10 months and I’m finally getting around to my first post. Now for what motivated me. Four weeks ago I joined WW (formally Weight Watchers). I found that WW has their own social media called Connect. Now I haven’t really had anything to do with social media since 2017 so I started to use it. It was a very supportive community. I noticed others posting videos of their journeys and thought hey, I can do that. So I started posting motivational videos that will help get people in the mindset to improve. This led to me reading several self help/motivational books, which then led to more. I started sharing what I learned in the videos and giving reviews of the books. The response from other people on Connect was overwhelming! I was on to something. That’s when I read the book “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero. That opened my eyes to my potential. I realized I now had a direction for my blog! I wanted to help people and eventually become a motivational speaker and author. I immediately started signing up for social media, and working on my blog. That brings us to this post. I want you all to know that I’m going to be spending a lot of time building up content on all of my social media. We will change our lives together. I hope you all enjoy what I have to say, and I hope to improve as time goes on. The key to remember is that you don’t have to wait for perfection. Just doing something even if it’s not perfect will get you to where you want to go.