Constructive v.s. Destructive Criticism

We have all been there. We have been criticized to the point of tears. We feel hurt, angry, embarrassed, and demoralized. This is where you need to recognize constructive v.s. destructive criticism. It is a fine line, even an artform to recognize between the two. To begin with, we need to not get worked up over either types of criticism. If you get worked up about it, you will not be able to rationalize it. You will not be able to think it through and see the positive in it. I’m not saying that you should accept destructive criticism. But recognize what parts of it you can grow on. Destructive criticism may be something like, “Honey your cooking is making the family fat.” Ouch, is your spouse calling you fat? How dare your spouse say your kids are fat! Destructive criticism often is not followed up with a potential solution to the problem. I’m not saying that this is the best way for your spouse to express such a concern. As destructive as this is, you still need to learn how to process it and understand where it’s coming from. You need to break it down into meaningful parts without getting upset. Try to take the word “your” out of it so that it seems like it is not attacking you. Try replacing harmful words like “fat” with “unhealthy”. Is your spouse right? Does the family look like they need a bigger size of clothes? If so your spouse may have a point, despite how poorly they came across. Now another form of the same criticism could be, “Honey, I think the family is getting unhealthy. Maybe we should look into a diet change.” That’s much better. That’s constructive criticism. It’s not attacking your cooking and it’s coming up with a potential solution to the problem. It still means the same thing, but it doesn’t hurt anyone's feelings. In the end destructive criticisms hurt us. But they will never go away. You just need the emotional intelligence to break it down and find the actual point of it. Constructive criticism needs to be recognized for what it is and accepted. Finally if you experience destructive criticism, calmly tell the person who said it how it hurt your feelings and that maybe it should have been worded in another way. Words matter.