Negative Energy

A few weeks ago my wife told me I was a very negative person. I denied it, getting upset. So she asked my 17 year old son who agreed with her. I was floored! I thought I was a very positive person. I’m always encouraging others and giving positive advice. After a few weeks I started to notice some of the negative traits that I have. When I watch the show Shark Tank, I only talk about the ideas that won’t work and not the ones that will. I only tell people what I don’t like and not what I like. I had originally thought that the iPhone and iPad were dumb ideas (boy was I wrong). So I talked with my wife today about it. I admitted I was a negative person and that if I don’t change that I’ll never make it as a motivational speaker. That’s when she explained it to me, knowing that I was ready to listen. She said I had selective negativity. I was the most positive outgoing person with everyone outside of the family. But in my home life I let my guard down. I don’t treat my family the same way I treat my friends and strangers. I used to make my wife feel like I was positive but as the years went by I stopped. Then she explained it to me this way. I used to love the show Undercover Boss. But very quickly I soured to it. I thought it’s just another reality show. My biggest complaint was that the bosses would only help the people they met and rarely did anything to change their company. I was looking at it with a very negative attitude. My wife pointed out to me that I’m not seeing the positive. Yes the bosses only seem to be helping the people they meet but they are touching the lives of a few. Then those few would pay it forward and touch other’s lives. And so would the goodness spread. I never thought of it like this before. I have bipolar disorder, which is a chemical imbalance in my brain. There is no cure for it. I can be extremely happy at times and very depressed other times. Luckily, I’m on medication that keeps me level. It turns out that people with bipolar disorder are very pessimistic. Now I never hide the fact that I have bipolar disorder from anyone. However, I do think it explains why I’m so positive with people outside of my family. I am trying to overcompensate for my disorder. I don’t want people to think negatively of me due to it. So I realized I need to change my negative attitude at home to a very positive one or I’ll never make it as a motivational speaker. I need to walk the talk in every aspect of my life. It should come as natural to me as it does when I’m out in public. I’ll keep you all up to date on how good I’m doing.