Set Those Goals

I’ve been listening to a lot of audiobooks on mental toughness as well on the psyche of successful people. A very common theme throughout all of them is actually writing down your goals. It sounds trivial and useless but it really works. It has done wonders for my focus for things I want to do. Whether it be long term goals like years, medium term goals like months, or short term goals like a week or a day. Writing them down helps you solidify what you are going to do and gives you a way to plan on how you are going to act on them. For example, a coworker of mine writes down his tasks for the day every morning. He tries to get every task done on the list by the end of the day. He is basically setting goals for himself every day. It helps him remember what the important things are and not get sidetracked. I’ve started doing this and you wouldn’t believe the results I’m getting. Even if it is as simple as getting a load of laundry done. Let’s focus on long term goals. The big aspirations in your life. It’s easy to say I want to be debt free or lose 69 lbs, but until you write it out it doesn’t solidify. It doesn’t allow you to plan. Now I’ve heard that goals need to be S.M.A.R.T several times, even my boss told me to use it. It means Specifice, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. This is where your goals become a plan. To be specific you don’t just say I want to get healthy or lose weight, you say you WILL lose 69 lbs (side note, say will not want). That is something that is measurable. You can weigh yourself once a week or daily if you like and keep a chart of your progress. Achievable is being realistic. I could say I want to lose 100 lbs but that would bring me way under my ideal BMI and I’d have to continually starve myself to get there and maintain it. Then make it relevant to why you are doing it. For example, so that I can live longer. Finally time-bound. It shouldn’t be a goal that goes on and on. You need something that you can finish. It is reasonable to lose a pound a week so the time-bound could be 69 weeks. This is what the final goal looks like. “I will lose 69 lbs, at 1 pound a week, for 69 weeks so that I can live longer.” Now that’s a S.M.A.R.T goal. It basically tells me the plan within the goal! Now do you see why writing it out is so important. Because it’s a mouthful! Now that you have a goal or goals written out you need to do something else every day. This is not my idea. I heard it in an audiobook (sorry I don’t remember which). Now you get a notebook and write out your goals every day. You are tattooing them into your brain. It makes it so you don’t forget them. You won’t simply write them down once and never look at them again. If your goals are important to you then you write them down, every day. It only takes a few minutes, so what’s the harm? Finally, keep your goals to yourself. Yep! They are your secret. The reason is you could get goal fatigue. Your character is judged by what you do, not what you say you will do. Let it be a surprise to people when you hit your goal. Don’t forget to celebrate your goals as well!

Be The Mirror

I have read from multiple sources and have seen it for myself that you can be affected emotionally by being around someone who is in a negative or positive mood. That is to say if someone is depressed and you spend a lot of time with them you can become depressed as well. You reflect the emotions of the people around you. So I ask you, are you the reflection or are you the mirror? It isn’t always the case that you reflect other people’s emotions but that they reflect yours. That being said, it’s important to remember what emotions you want reflected back to you. You want positive emotions reflected back, therefore your need to be positive stronger than the people you are around. In order to be the mirror you have to work on being strong in your emotions. You may not be positive all the time. You could be depressed. In that case you need to remember that you may be the mirror and that there is a chance that you will bring down the people around you. It’s at times like those that you want to try to ease up on being the mirror. Let other people's positive attitudes lift you up and reflect their good vibes. It is important to remember sometimes you are the reflection and sometimes you are the mirror. The best situation is when you are a positive mirror and lift up those around you. So be a mirror that reflects the sun and shines upon everyone.

The Growth of a Thought

In the book Your Mental Mess by Dr. Caroline Leaf she says, whatever we think about the most grows, because we are giving it energy. Now when she talks about the thought growing she means it literally grows in your brain. The parts of your brian that makes memories whether it be mental, emotional, or physical start to grow the memory like a tree. Since memories require energy tto grow bigger and stronger, the more you think about them the more they will grow and be solidified in your brian. The stronger they are the more they have an effect on you. How is this important to you? Well here is a real life example of one memory that bothers me. I once was driving on the highway and a car was entering from an on ramp. I slowed down to let them in, however they slowed down as well to let me by. I continued to slow down and so did the other person. This put me in a dangerous position since I was nearly stopped on the highway. I got pretty mad at the person for not just getting on the highway. Now why does this memory stick with me? Because I keep thinking of it and allowing it to grow. Every time I pass that on ramp I remember that time when I got so upset. I also randomly think about it without even driving by it. It brings back the feeling of being upset. This is both a mental memory as well as an emotional memory as well. I don’t want to let this memory pop up every once in a while because it’s a silly memory to think about and to let me get all worked up over. So one way I try to combat this memory is every time it pops up I need to remind myself that I was in the wrong in that situation. I had the right away and should have sped up a little. I think deep down I do know that I was wrong and I’m actually not mad at the person in the other car but mad at myself for making such a dangerous mistake. I haven’t read all of Dr. Leaf’s book yet but I believe she is going to explain that that’s exactly how you combat memories that have such a control over you. Whenever you start to have a thought, recognize it and think to yourself, do I really want this thought to be a strong moment in my life? Do you really want to give it the energy to grow in your brian and affect you down the road? If the answer is no, then try not to think about it. Or at least rationalize that it isn’t that important to you. It may not be easy at first but eventually you will get better at it.

It’s Hard Starting

Whenever there is a task that we don’t want to do like working out, cleaning our room, vacuuming, etc. it’s important to realize that the hardest part about the whole thing is starting. Actually getting off your butt and doing it. So let’s think in terms of exercising. Some days you just don’t have it in you. We have all been there. However, have you ever just started exercising and you think to yourself, “This isn’t bad, I wonder why I didn’t want to do it.” Well let’s turn this around in terms of starting the exercise you didn’t want to do in the first place. Whenever you have a hard time starting just think about what your future self will be thinking once you get going. You know your future self will actually feel better while exercising and will feel much better when it is all done. It’s important to your mental health and sometimes your physical health to get over that hump of starting and just do it. Trust me your future self will thank you.

Am I The Problem

When dealing with people in general and you have negative feelings toward someone because they have upset you, you have to think to yourself, “am I the problem?” Sometimes you have to admit you are. Maybe you have unrealistic or unspoken expectations of the other person. As an example your spouse doesn’t pick up his dirty clothes off the floor and you get upset with them. You have never told your spouse that this makes you angry but you get angry with them anyways. Then you later have an argument with your spouse because you are still stewing from the clothes on the floor. This is a time when you should ask yourself, “am I the problem?” If you have never told your spouse that this makes you angry then you have unrealistic expectations of your spouse reading your mind and picking up after themselves. Now I know that in most relationships you have no problem telling your spouse that that annoys you but you get the point. It is important to realize that in most cases you are upset because your expectations have not been met. Someone has let you down because you wanted better of them. In these cases you need to ask yourself if you're the problem and if you really should get upset or express your feelings to that person. Remember we are all human and we all make mistakes. When we recognize there is a problem and try to resolve it rather than getting upset about it, we may realize that there is no problem at all.

Define Your Why

As important as it is to set goals in your life, equally important is defining your “Why”. Specifically you are defining Why you are trying to achieve your goals. There has to be a reason to drive you, and it needs to be a good one. For example, if you are trying to lose weight and your Why is as simple as “I want to fit into my dress for someone’s wedding” you really haven’t given a strong enough Why to make a lasting change. What’s going to happen after the wedding? Are you going to give up on losing weight and gain it all back? My Why is a very powerful motivator for me. My daughter has type 1 diabetes. I was pre-diabetic due to what I was eating and my weight for a long time. I had realized that if I kept going down that path I would be the second family member to get diabetes, however unlike my daughter, this would be my own fault. I just couldn’t do that to my family. So the Why has to be something tangible and concrete that solidifies your resolve to chase that goal. It must drive you to want to reach your goals so every day you wake up and think to yourself, “this is why I want to reach my goal”. Come up with your own Why. Think long and hard about it. It’s ok to have more than one why, the more the merrier.

Unnecessarily Suffering

The philosopher Seneca said, “He suffers more than necessary, who suffers before it is necessary.” Basically this is saying don’t worry about it. If you are worrying about something well before you have to, you will be adding to your suffering. For example if you have to have a painful medical procedure done and you worry about the pain well before you even experience it, you are just adding to your suffering. This is easier said than done. How do you combat worry? You live in the now! Worrying is only about living in the future and you are forgetting to enjoy life right now. For example, my mother-in-law worries about everything. She worries about what to make for dinner the moment she wakes up in the morning. She worries about her car being stolen while she is away. She worries so much that she doesn’t allow herself to enjoy life to its fullest. This is no way to live. In constant fear that something bad is going to happen. In order to not suffer more than is necessary you need to take a deep breath, enjoy what is going on right now, and count your blessings.